Friday, December 30, 2011

No Shirt, No Shoes? You'll Learn! Pt3

Pick up the story here…

Voicemail.


Yes!  I didn’t have to talk to the Mother!  OKOKOKOK.  C’mon, now!  I didn’t just leave it at that.  Have you been following along here?  That's not what I'm about.  I left a message for her.  I even followed it up with a text!  How you like me now?  Whatever kind of person the Mother is, she still deserves the right to know what’s going on with the kids, at least according to the law.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Review: The Tree of Life


I’d love to give you a review of the movie The Tree of Life.  And I will.  Once I figure out what the hell was going on.  #iwouldntholdmybreath.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Repost: Easter Recap

(Editor's note:  Since we just closed the books on another successful, totally commericialized Christmas, I figured it was a good time to get you folks ready for Christams #2:  Easter!  Hey...don't give me that tone!  I guarendamntee Target's got Easter stuff already out in the back aisles of the store!  I am, what you might call, a bandwagoner!)

Originally published 4/2009  

As I’m going to painfully remind you, Easter was a few weeks ago.  The time of year when kids get all jimmied up on candy.  I think that it used to be a religious holiday, but I’m not entirely sure.  I can tell you, though, that I’m tired of these stupid holidays and how the retail outlets are making them into buying extravaganzas.  WTF!  It’s bad enough Santa gets all the credit for our hard work.  But, the bunny too????  C’mon!  I’m tired of doing all the leg work and the lazy ass characters getting all the credit.

Note from the Editor

Growing up, I used to hate when my favorite TV shows would go on winter break.  Remember, this was before the internets and cable TV.  Four channels, my friends, that was it.  God!  That sucked.  You’d have almost two weeks off from school and either it would be reruns or Battle of the Network TV Stars.  Those few weeks between Christmas and going back to school sucked.  For TV viewing, that is.
Well, guess what?  Fadderly’s picking up on that great tradition!  Reruns all this week!  Yes!!!  HAHAHAHAHA!!!  Why?  Why am I doing this to you?  ‘Cause I’m tired, that’s why.  Your friendly neighborhood Jman is still nursing some sort of post-Christmas non-alcoholic hangover.  I can’t seem to get my ass moving here.
NONONONONO!  Don’t start crying.  I may have a new post come Friday.  But today’s?  Oh…it’s a rerun. For sure.  I mean, at this point, I might as well just turn this rambling into a real post.  My word count is starting to get a little too high here.  But, for you dear reader, that’s neither here nor there.
So…until I can get my ass into gear, I remain…
Tired.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Fadderly's Christmas Theory

Brought to you today without the expressed written consent of the always delightful Katy Perry…

                                         "Hello everyone!!!"

I’ve been a single dad for a bunch of years now. I won’t kid you, it ain’t easy raising 4 kids by yourself. Sure, sure, sure. I make it look easy, the greats always do. But, it ain’t. I like to say most days I’m living on a wing and a prayer. Even though I have no idea what that stupid expression means. I think it’s got something to do with barely hanging onto your sanity. Or some shit like that. Whatever. And what’s with the expression “May the road rise to meet you”? The hell does that mean? How the hell is that supposed to be inspiring? It’s all a bit beyond me.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Preview:

"A few Christmases ago, I stumbled upon probably one of my greatest parenting triumphs.  I’m not bragging here.  I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made more than my fair share of parenting errors.  Like buying the kids Moon Sand.  Stick with the Play-Doh, folks.  You’ll be much happier.  Besides, Play Doh just smells so damn good!..."

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

Saw this at Chick-Fil-A.  Cracked me up.


Beef eatrz.  Classic

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: Meet Nolan. And Colan. The Special Edition.

(editor's note 12/28...i pulled a little George Lucas action here.  I updated this article, post-publishing.  Yea, that's right.  I'm an artist, damn it!  And this blog is my unfinished masterpiece!  If I want to add changes post-publishing, it's my prerogative!  Besides, the technology wasn't available at the time to do what I truly wanted when this post was originally published (last week).  So I went back and made some changes.)

Last weekend, I took Jethro and Jakob to see the Muppets. On the way out of the theater, after the movie was over, the two of them hit me up for quarters for the bank of gumball machines in the center of the mall.  These two obviously had forgotten who their ol’ man is.  Me?  Carry spare change?  As if!  All’s I carry are hundreds, buttheads! I ain’t got time for measly quarters! 

Monday, December 19, 2011

Preview:

Last weekend, I took the boys to see the Muppets. On the way out of the theater, the two of them hit me up for quarters for the bank of gumball machines in the center of the mall.  These two obviously have forgotten who their ol’ man is.  Me?  Carry spare change?  As if!  All’s I carry are hundreds, buttheads.
Either thru alchemy or panhandling, Jethro and Jakob came up with a few quarters and spent the next eternity fighting over the vending machines. After multiple threats on my part, I grabbed the two of them and dragged them out of the mall. 

Friday, December 16, 2011

Me No Like Muppet Movie

Over the weekend, I took Jethro and Jakob to see the Muppets.  Rather than beat a dead horse with yet another pointless review that’s several weeks behind anyway, how’s bout we do something far more exciting?  Like talk about your friendly neighborhood Jman’s thoughts about everything BUT the movie?  We’ll call this the Bizarro Muppets review, k?  I’ll just spare you the backwards Bizarro speak, for now.  Sound good?  No?  TS!  I subscribe to the Facebook philosophy:  “If you’re not paying for the product, you are the product”.  So, buckle up and enjoy your “free” ride…
   

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Preview:

On a semi-related note, as usual, I threatened the boys up and down that I wasn’t taking either one of them to the bathroom in the middle of the movie.  I started the lecture before we left the house and continued it in the car ride to the theater.  I told them they had to take care of business before the movie started, or they were just gonna have to pee themselves, cause I wasn’t getting up. 
To make things a bit more challenging, I bought the super sized coke for the three of us (so what if it was 9:40 in the morning!  you can’t go to the movies and not have popcorn and a soda, amiright?) to share.  Jakob took the soda off the counter and I warned him again.  “Don’t drink too much.  I’m telling you…”

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Song(s) of the Immediate Future: Xmas edition

With all the Christmas music on the radio, I figured it was a good time for me to pile on the Christmas insanity bandwagon and trot out the ol’ “Song of the Immediate Future.”  The thing is, I really couldn’t single out just one Christmas song.  Much to my chagrin surprise, there were actually a few Christmas songs that I liked.  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking: “I bet at least one song involves Justin Beiber.”  How bout this…go cram it with walnuts, if that’s what you’re thinking!  Do I look like a love starved school girl?  Don’t answer that.  You know, before this turns any uglier, how‘s about we get right to the songs?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Preview:

Sneaky peek:  Song(s) of the Immediate Future:  Xmas Edition
With all the Christmas music on the radio, I figured it was a good time for me to pile on the Christmas insanity bandwagon and  trot out the ol’ “Song of the Immediate Future.”  The thing is, I couldn’t single out just one Christmas song.  Much to my chagrin surprise, there are actually a few Christmas songs that I like.  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking: “I bet at least one song involves Justin Beiber.”  How bout this…go cram it with walnuts, if that’s what you’re thinking .  Do I look like a love starved school girl?  Don’t answer that.  You know, before this turns any uglier, how‘s about we get right to the songs?

Friday, December 9, 2011

No shirt, no shoes? You'll learn! Pt2

You can find your refresher……here.
I admit, I’m probably never gonna win the coveted Father of the Year award.  Evar!  Even still, I suspect most parents would’ve probably been a tad more sympathetic to their child than I was at that moment.  I was pretty angry. But, I kept pressing that now bloody t shirt against Jethro’s heel.  “Where the hell are your shoes?!?!?” I hissed at him.
“I don’t know.”  Jethro sobbed uncontrollably in my lap.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Preview:


Sneaky peek:  No shirt, no shoes?  You’ll learn Pt 2.
I’d rather not say right now how much more I berated the wounded child.  I’m not proud.  Let’s just say by the time I was done, I wasn’t sure if the tears were from his foot or my words.  Oh….don’t give me that shit!  Don’t go feeling sympathetic for him.  He’s fine.  He lived to tell the tale.  Who you should feel sorry for is yours truly.  Yea, that’s right…me!  This is a one man show.  And the task of coordinating this circus on an average day is no easy feat.  But on the day of a black swan event?  Please?!?!?  A normal mortal would run in the other direction.  Me?  I just sigh, thank the big guy upstairs for yet another challenge to my sanity, and roll my sleeves up.  So, if you’re gonna feel sorry for anyone, feel sorry for your friendly neighborhood Jman.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I know I wouldn't mess with Moses!


“Say hello to the spine tingling Giant Weta. What is a Giant Weta, you ask? Well, it's a gigantic cricket-like insect that's also the largest insect in the world. It's as heavy as three mice and even bigger than some birds. BE AFRAID LITTLE HUMANS.”

I don’t have an opinion about bugs one way or the other.  As long as they’re not in my food/eating space or in my bed (is there anything more skeevy than finding a bug, any kind of bug, in your bed?  I don’t think so.), I don’t have too much of a problem with them.  Even though this is OUR planet, I don’t mind sharing it with lesser humans beings (unless you’re a skunk, then we may have a problem.).


Friday, December 2, 2011

mmmmmmmm…chewy!!!

Your friendly neighborhood Jman’s gotta dance on a sensitive subject here.  No, not politics.  Or religion.  Or how horrible music is today (Cause it is. My apologies to all my teenage readers out there, but truth is truth.).  No, none of that stuff.  Who’s got time for such trivialities?  You?  Me?  Ha!  I’m knee deep in kids!  I ain’t got time for caring about that crap.  No, we’re gonna delve into more meaningful matters.

Monday, November 28, 2011

No shirt, no shoes? You'll learn. PT1

I swear my boys are the modern day Tom and Huck.  They run around constantly with no shirt, no shoes, no friggin worries. I'm telling you, if they could, they'd work without pants as well.  God only knows what's stopping them from doing it.  There must be some modicum of society somewhere in those Freudian Ids that call themselves my sons.

                                Yea…they look just like these two morons.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I, For One, Welcome Our New Alien Overlords

“The U.S. government yesterday denied ever having had contact with alien life forms.
The White House insisted there was no evidence extra-terrestrials have visited Earth or made any manner of contact.
The denial is an official response to two petitions asking for confirmation that alien encounters have taken place.
‘Thank you for signing the petition asking the Obama administration to acknowledge an extra-terrestrial presence here on Earth,’ said Phil Larson, who works on space policy and communications at the White House.”
Yea, yea, yea.  Okokokokokok.  Now look, I’m not saying aliens exist.  I really don’t know.  Until I’m abducted, and hopefully not anal probed, then the jury will be out for your friendly neighborhood Jman about alien existence.  But, do I love a good conspiracy theory?  Hell yea!  Do I love a bad conspiracy theory even more?  Double hell yea!  Why?  I couldn’t tell you.  Maybe it’s because the one thing I do believe is that the truth usually lies somewhere between fact and fiction.  Truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder (yea, I invented that.  God damn poetry in motion, if you ask me.  Tell your friends.  Then tell them to follow me on twitter @thefadderly. Then tell them to start coughing up some cash.  Fadderly wants a new macbook).

Friday, November 18, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: "S'up Denise?" PT2

Part one…here.  Nowhere else.  Here.  Not there.  Here.  Got it?  Good.
I followed Jakob out of the house.  “Hang on a sec.”  I said, stopping in the garage.  I had a feeling a couple of tools might be a good idea to bring along.  I grabbed a few wrenches, along with whatever else I could get my hands on.  Oh, and some extra patience.  Cause, your friendly neighborhood Jman isn’t known for being much of a “fixer”.  Just ask my ol’ man.  On second thought, don’t.  But, what I lack in fixing skills, I sure make up in cursing.

“C’mon, dad!”  Jakob said, waving me on.  “Hurry.”
“Ok!”  God damn.  This had better be good.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Do Me a Solid, Don't...see these movies.

X-men: First Class


Admittedly, I’m a fan of superheroes.  Yea, that’s right.  I’m 40ish years old.  And a good superhero story still does it for me.  I cry like the little bitch I am when the bad guy is putting the hero down. And, likewise, screaming for joy when said hero gives said bad guy a root canal (through his ass).  What can I say?  I have the emotional capacity of a 10 year old.  Are you kidding me?  I can’t even watch wrestling, I get so emotionally involved.  And, yea, I know that the outcomes are scripted.  What do you want from me?  I already admitted I was an emotional cripple.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: "S'up Denise?" PT1

I was working hard on an article (read:  trolling the internets pretty much doing everything but working hard on an article) in my office (read:  bedroom), when there was a knock on the door.  “Daaaaaaaaaad?”  A voice called out from the hallway.
I rolled my eyes.  Can’t they see I’m working here?  Well, maybe they could if the door was open.  But, that wouldn’t have stopped them anyway.  What’s a brother gotta do to get a seconds worth of peace around here?  Do I gotta start locking myself in the bathroom again?  “Yes, Jakob?” I called out.  Yea, I knew it was him.  You can call it parent's intuition.  Either that or I recognized the voice.  Whichever.
“Can I come in?” 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Ever Hear the One about the Deer and the Snake?

“An adult deer was found intact inside a huge Burmese python Thursday, after the snake was captured and killed in the Everglades.
Contractors for the South Florida Water Management District encountered the python on a tree island in western Miami-Dade County, according to the district. It was killed with a shotgun blast.”

Friday, November 4, 2011

Repost: Book from my kids’ room: The Monster at the End of this book.

I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  Repost?!?!?  Already?!?!?  WTF?!?!?  Someone’s on the path to not writing anymore.  First of all, if that’s what you’re thinking…then get your free content elsewhere, k?  Secondly…although it may look like I’m cherry picking off past success here, I’m not.  It took a certain amount of preparation to get this repost up to snuff.  Fix broken links (no free loadin interns working here), edit the post (Whew!  Someone had some anger issues way back when), etc.  Why put the effort in for an old post?  Because it’s funny as shit, that’s why.  So, without further ado, buckle yourself down in the wayback machine.  We’re heading back in time.  The year was 2005.  George W was inaugurated into his 2nd term of screwing up our country.  Live 8 totally blasphemed it’s 20 year old predecessor, Live Aid, with unadulterated marketing/merchandising/whoring spectacle in the guise of ending poverty and Fadderly was an angry, not so young man writing as the Juice…

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Don't Listen to Me: Triple Double Redux

A bit ago, I reviewed the new Oreo Triple Doubles (which I just conveniently hyperlinked for you).  Well, lo and behold, while on my quad weekly trip to Walmart, yours truly stumbled across these beauties:


Friday, October 28, 2011

What is soft, silver-white alkali metallic chemical element?

I walked in the house, after another day of work. Natalia was at the computer desk, her attention divided between her netbook, laptop, phone and iPod.  Where the other three kids were?  God only knows.  But, believe you me, I was grateful for the few seconds of peace I was being afforded in my own house, before the onslaught of “Dad.  What’s for dinner, Dad?” and “Dad.  What's for dinner tomorrow, Dad?” and “Dad.  Is Occupy Wall Street really going to affect change, Dad?”

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Can't Drive 299,792,458 Meters Per Second

“Hong Kong physicists say they have proved that a single photon obeys Einstein's theory that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light -- demonstrating that outside science fiction, time travel is impossible...”
Over the summer, this news appeared all over the internets.  And let me tell you, it really annoyed the shit out of me.  God!  Stupid scienticians! Ruin everything!  It’s bad enough we don’t have hover cars, or jetpacks or naughty robot maids like they’ve been promising since the 20’s.  Now we can’t travel faster than light?  WTF?!!?  Maybe if these scienticians weren’t so frigging busy trying to clone dinosaurs, we’d have some decent tech around here. 

Friday, October 21, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: Crimes and Punishments PT2

Feel free to catch up here

“Wait a minute.”  I call out to Jakob.  “When did you go to Dunkin?” 
Jakob froze in his tracks.  He glanced up at the top of the steps.  He was almost there.  So closed to sweet freedom.  So close!  His head dropped in defeat.  “Uhhhh…just now.”  He offered up reluctantly.
“But, you didn’t ask me to go, did you?”  I asked.  Yes.  I was leading the witness, your honor.
“No.”  He sighed.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Song of the Immediate future: "Cool it now"

I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “WTFMFF has gotten into Jman now?  First he tries to sell us on late 70’s Kiss crap, then some emo drivel driven by a 50 year old dude.  Now he’s selling us some god awful early 80’s bubble gum faux R&B?  Why do I pay to read this crap?”

Friday, October 14, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: Crimes and Punishments PT1


I was doing my best Cinderella (Cinderelly.  Cinderelly.  Night and day, it’s Cinderelly   Make the fire, fix the breakfast.  Wash the dishes, do the mopping), ironing my work clothes (Yes.  I iron my clothes.  It’s the biggest pain in the ass.  And if you tell me to just buy wrinkle free clothes…I tell you that wrinkle free/wrinkle resistant clothes are a total and complete farce.  And dry cleaning? Please.  If I had that kind of flow, do you think I’d be giving away my talent for free?)  in the laundry room, when Jakob comes in, looking rather grim.  “Dad.  I gotta tell you something.  But, you’re gonna get mad.” 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

UC Berkeley Scientists 'See' Movies in the Mind


California scientists have found a way to see through another person's eyes.
Researchers from UC Berkeley were able to reconstruct YouTube videos from viewers' brain activity -- a feat that might one day offer a glimpse into our dreams, memories and even fantasies.
"This is a major leap toward reconstructing internal imagery," said Jack Gallant, professor of psychology and coauthor of a study published today in Current Biology. "We are opening a window into the movies in our minds."

I gotta tell you something...this shit fascinates and scares the living hell out of me at the same time.  Sometimes, I think we’re reaching the point where technology is about to get out of our control.  That is, if we haven’t danced the La Bamba past that point already.  We’re not even considering the moral/social issues of these discoveries.  Not that we ever did.  Nope.  Just pick the two best cities and drop the bombs.  We’ll deal with the long term socio/economic impact some other time.  These days, though, it just seems like this shit is happening quicker and quicker.  Science fiction becoming science fact at an even faster clip.

 

Friday, October 7, 2011

In the Wild

My kids are great at finding things.  They really are.  Especially Jakob.  He never comes to me and says “Dad, I can’t find X.  Dad.”  “X” being whatever he’s missing at the moment.  Book, toy, random Lego piece, shoe, homework.  He never just stands in the middle of the room and says anything like that.  Never.  And whatever the item he’s looking for is never 9 times out of 10 within a foot of his vision.  Never.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Do Not Listen to Me: Hot Rod

Way back when, back when the kids were younger we used to have Saturday night movie nights.  We’d all gather around the TV with our snacks, put a movie in and then the kids would proceed to ask their ol’ man 50 million questions about whatever was on the screen at any given moment.  I shit you not.  From the time the movie started to the end, it would be a nonstop barrage of questions.  I can’t tell you how many times I would have to stop a movie to have a Q and A session.  And it’s not like I’m talking about deep movies here.  I’m not talking A Scanner Darkly.  I’m talking:

Monday, October 3, 2011

Song of the Week: Lies of the Beautiful People

I feel so traumatized
Doped up and televised
Life can be cruel and insane
Yeah

But we've got these ugly scars
On our infected hearts
Maybe it's time for a change
Yeah...”

I don’t know what’s wrong with music today.  Where is all the rock?  Yea...you know and I know that I grew up on metal.  Hair metal, to be exact.  I say it loud.  I say it proud. I say it softly and when no one is around.  Because, quite frankly, it’s embarrassing.  Saying you like Metal these days is like saying you like hippies and Disco, well...whatever decade you live in.  ‘Cause no one likes hippies or Disco.  I mean, thank god for the Foo Fighters, cause if it weren’t for them, where would we be?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Did Facebook Just Change Social Networking Forever?

 “…Zuckerberg had two major pieces of news to share. First, he announced that Facebook is replacing its Profile — the page each user gets that displays his or her status updates, Likes, photos, FarmVille triumphs and other items — with a radically-revised version called the Timeline, which is rolling out over the next few weeks.”
This thing is all over the place.  This news about the imminent change to facebook.  It’s everywhere.  Now, I’m not saying I’ve read every article, every post, every comment about this change, but I’ve read enough to get the gist.  And from what I can tell, it’s getting fairly favorable press.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s me.  Maybe I’m just getting old…but, these changes I find a bit unsettling.


Monday, September 26, 2011

Song of the Week: Calling Dr. Love

You need my love baby, oh so bad
You're not the only one I've ever had
And if I say I wanna set you free
Don't you know you'll be in misery
They call me (Dr. Love)
They call me Dr. Love (calling Dr. Love)
I've got the cure you're thinkin' of (calling Dr. Love)
“Calling Dr. Love” by Kiss
When I talk about myself (which is one of my favorite pastimes, as if you couldn’t tell) I like to say I was a kid in the 70’s, but I grew up in the 80’s.  I say it here because I was never a fan of 70’s Kiss.  What do you want from me?  I was a stupid kid.  All’s that concerned me at the time were cartoons and toys.  Like anything has changed since then.

Monday Morning Preview: 9/26

"Anyway…I’m kneeling in front of the fridge, with Sarah standing behind me.  And of course, I see the mayo right away.  Cause I’m not a stupid kid.  And I know that that eyes work much better when they’re open.  “I think I see it, Sarah.”"

Friday, September 23, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: The Prank Call

Kelly Marie and I were laying around, watching TV one night when there was a knock on the slightly ajar bedroom door.
I looked over at the clock on the nightstand.  8:45. “Shouldn’t they be in bed?”  I said to Kelly Marie
“Stop it.”  She nudged me in the stomach.  “Tell him to come in.”
“No!  I’m off duty.”
“Whatever.”  Kelly Marie said to me.  “Come in.” She called out.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Don't you just hate stepping on them?

Remember when I posted here about Sideshow Collectibles and their cursed, expensive, wonderful toys?  Well, the Pope left a comment on the FB page about Lego, and their cursed, expensive, wonderful toys.  Which totally took the wind out of my sails, cause I was going to mention Lego in a follow up to Sideshow.  Now, the Pope thinks he’s gonna get all the credit for giving me the idea about Lego.  And he’ll probably want a percentage of the total revenues for the month.  And if that’s the case…I have one thing to tell the Pope.  Even 75% of zero is still zero!  So nuts to you!


Monday, September 19, 2011

Monday Morning Preview: 9/19

"...How’d you guess?”  See…this is the problem with giving a ten year old a cell phone.  Can’t he just scream my name through the house like every other normal kid used to? Kids today.  “Hello?”  I said.  Again.  No, I didn’t even bother to try to hide my annoyance."

Friday, September 16, 2011

When did Pepe Le Pew move in?

In our everyday life, how many animals, besides your kids, do you have an interaction with?  A handful, right?  Dogs, cats, birds, chinchillas.  There’s also the animals you see at the zoo.  Or the aquarium.  Then there are the delicious animals you see on your plate.  Otherwise? Animals don’t exist in our world, right?  This is our planet!  We’re above animals. We live in houses.  That’s our lawn to mow every other week (sometimes every third week if you’re lazy like me).  Not some random animals’ cafeteria.  Animals belong in zoos.  Otherwise, they don’t belong.  Birds can have the air, as long as they don’t shit on me, my car or my belongings.  Otherwise, I don’t even want to see an animal.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Review: Triple Double


Well…this certainly took them long enough didn’t it?  I mean how long have we’ve been doing this on our own?  Late at night, in the dark, when everyone is asleep, creating our own variations of the Triple Double.  So, I gotta commend Nabisco for finally getting their act together.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Monday Morning Preview

"There’s also the animals you see at the zoo.  Or the aquarium.  Then there are the delicious animals you see on your plate.  Otherwise? Animals don’t exist in our world, right?  This is our planet!  We’re above animals. We live in houses."

Friday, September 9, 2011

And we're off to the vet. Again. The Final Chapter


…Conveniently enough for me, Cares offered to stow the dog there, until his eye appointment later that evening,  so I could go back to work.  And I went back to work.  I swear!
The dog’s later appointment was at 7.  I got there promptly, just hoping this whole catastrophe wasn’t going to cost me three mortgage payments.  Apparently the night of the dog’s appointment was blind dog night at Cares, cause the place was lousy with semi/blind dogs.  Which immediately made me feel better about myself.  Cause I shoulder this guilt about the dog being blind in one eye.  Yes.  I do have some feelings in me, besides anger and hostility.  It was nice to see I’m not the only negligent owner in the tri state area.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Bacteria Causing 'Black Death' Likely Extinct, Study Finds

“The bacteria that caused the Black Death, which wiped out millions in mid-14th century Europe, may be extinct, according to a new study.

Hoping to resolve some controversy regarding the cause of the Black Death, researchers examined more than 100 samples taken from bodies buried in London during that time.
"The Black Death was caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis — the one responsible for current plague outbreaks. This settles the controversy surrounding the causative agent. Although we cannot rule out, at this stage, that there was another co-circulating strain," said study author Hendrik Poinar, a biological anthropologist at McMaster University in Ontario.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Monday Morning Preview: Triple Double Review



nuff said?

Friday, September 2, 2011

And we're off to the vet. Again. Pt3

Pt. 2 Here.  Read on for Pt. 3


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Just Stop Picking At It!

I don’t love Star Wars anymore.  To be honest with you, I don’t think I like it much anymore, either.  I’m  really not one of those superfans.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve watched the original trilogy more than my fair share of times.  But, I don’t get my panties in a bunch when Lucas makes changes to the movies.  I really didn’t give a shit if Greedo shot first.  Or that the Emperor’s verbiage was changed in The Empire Strikes Back.  To be honest, most of the changes Lucas had made I’ve kinda liked and made sense to me.  Purists are purist, though.  So…whatever.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Thank God for: Power

I love power.  Man!  Do I love power.  There’s nothing like it.  Where the hell would we be without it?  And the thing is, we all take it for granted.  All of us.  It’s not until it’s gone do you get an inkling what it means to you.  Us.  The planet.  It’s not until your 6 hours into only the big guy know’s how long of a hurricane Irene stretch that you realize how much you rely on electricity.  Awwww...who am I kidding?  6 hours?  Ha!  Six seconds after the house lost power, I was wondering what the hell I was gonna do until this shit passed.

Friday, August 26, 2011

And we're off to the vet. Again. Pt2

Pt 1 here.  Carry on for Pt2...

 
Great, back to the vet.  But…were not really talking the vet here.  No.  We’re talking the 24 hour emergency hospital for animals, aka…Center for Animal Referral and Emergency  Services  or Cares(Yea.  That’s right.  I just plugged the shit out of them.  Maybe for the mention I’ll get a 2% discount on my next visit.  Which should be any second now).   The place just sounds expensive, doesn’t it?  Well, believe you me, it ain’t cheap.  How do I know?  Oh…forgive me.  I didn’t mention that’s where I had to take the dog for his bad eye?  No?  How silly of me.  Yea.  The dog has to see a specialist for the eye. Cause his normal vet (ie cheap vet) doesn’t deal with eyeballs.  And where does the specialist reside?  Yep.  You guessed it.


 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Cherry Pie

I know this is kinda old news, and I really had no intention of commenting on it.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.  It is a sad story.  And we all gotta meet the big guy at some point, I suppose.  On the way home from work, though, I heard the song "Cherry Pie" Jani Lane wrote/performed with Warrant.  Back in 2006, he did an interview for VH1's Heavy:  The Story of Metal about the song.  And now, every time I hear Cherry Pie, I think of that interview. 


Monday, August 22, 2011

Repost: My boy's first April Fool's Prank

originally published 4/2009

I’m not what you call a “morning” person. Truth be told, I’m not what you would call an “afternoon” or a “night” person, either. But, that’s a tale for another day. I give myself enough time in the morning to get ready and get the crüe up and running for the day. Besides, if I got up any earlier, I might as well not even go to bed. Maybe that’s why I’m not such a morning person.

Friday, August 19, 2011

And we're off to the Vet. Again. Pt 1

So…the dog.  Yea.  What an incredible pain in the ass.  As if having four kids wasn’t enough.  Sometimes I wonder if the big guy upstairs laughs to hisself every once in awhile knowing he’s left all these beings in my charge.  I’m so fucking laissze-faire.  I’ve got this food allergy that could kill me, and I can’t even take the time to read ingredient labels properly.  And I’ve got to care, look after and even raise these beings?!?!?  Ha!  Now that’s a larf!  Well, maybe not so much a larf.  Because, I guess, it’s quasi-true.  Which brings me to the family mutt.



Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Abercrombie asks 'Jersey Shore' cast to wear something else

From USAToday:  Abercrombie asks 'Jersey Shore' cast to wear something else.

LMAO. I love this.  I really do.  Do you know how much companies pay actors/athletes to wear their brand?  Millions of dollars.  A year!  In 2003, Lebron James signed a 7 year, 90 million dollar deal with Nike.  That’s 12 million a year.  12 FREAKIN MILLION A YEAR!  He reupped with Nike last year for another multiyear deal.  I don’t know the exact terms, but I have a good idea that it’s a little less than my multiyear deal with Sketchers.  Hey, look…I’ve got an ego, too! 


 

Friday, August 12, 2011

Thank God for: Icning

I love icning, as my kids are fond of calling icing.  I’m telling you, I could eat that shit all day long.  Icning just makes life a little bit more tolerable.  Canned icning, bakery icning, icning, icning, icning!  It’s all good.  There is, however, an exception.  And there always is, isn’t there?  Always an exception to the rule.  Why can’t a rule just be a rule?  Why? 


                                                                  mmmmm....icning
                                               

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I Hate Bad Haircuts

What is it about a bad haircut that makes you want to punch someone in the face?  I mean…really…just punch someone so hard, that they swallow their teeth?  I'm telling you, a bad haircut doesn’t just ruin your day.  It ruins your flippin’ life!  It’s all consuming.  Every time you walk by a mirror, it’s like looking at train wreck…you don’t want to look, but you have to.  Maybe it grew in?  Maybe in the 32 seconds since you saw your reflection in the window it grew in a few inches.  And when you look at it?  You wish to the Christ you hadn’t. But, you did.  




                                  "what did you do to me?!?!?"

Friday, August 5, 2011

How Not to Break it to Your Kids You're All Going on Vaca. PT2

Pt. 1 here.  Hit the link below for Pt 2...

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Thank God For: Air Conditioning

Let me ask you something…what’s more annoying:  the wind chill factor or relative humidity? Don’t answer that.  It’s a trick question!  They’re both equally annoying.  Just depends what season you’re suffering in.  Cold is cold and hot is hot.  So, maybe, we can just stop fooling ourselves with these “feels like” factors?  And right now?  Believe you me, it’s god awful hot.  So why don’t we all take a moment and give a huge shout out to the big guy for blessing us with air conditioning.


Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Sideshow Collectibles Kills Me!

Look at this.  Tell me this ain’t totally bad ass.  Go ahead.  Click on the pic.  Go see it in all it’s glory.  I’ll be here waiting after the jump…



 

Friday, July 29, 2011

How Not to Break it to Your Kids You're All Going on Vaca. PT1

I'll tell you what…I haven’t had a vacation in years.  Man…it’s got to be at least 6 years.  The last family vacation I had was to Disney.  And believe you me, that really didn’t go to well.  Maybe that’s why I haven’t taken a week off in over half a decade.  Well, that and all the custody hearings.  Sure, I may have had a weekend excursion to Disney World here or a long weekend to Mexico there, but I haven’t had a week off, with the kids, in a really long time.  So, needless to say…I was flippin’ excited when I booked a house down the shore for me, Kelly Marie and the kids.


Monday, July 25, 2011

Reason 618. You know you're getting old when...

you realize theme parks suck.

For the love of the Christ, I’m getting old. Seriously. Everything is just becoming a pain in my ass. You know how the old folks say that it’s all down hill after you turn 40? I think they’re wrong. I think it’s all downhill when your kids start becoming AWARE. They just want and want and want. They want to eat warm foods. They want to wear clean clothes. They want to go outside. “I wanna do this. I wanna do that. I want a party with roomfuls of laughter, Ten thousand tons of ice cream ” Ughhhhhh! I’m tired!!!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Another Great Adventure

Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. I think it was Ghandi or someone like that. Either way, believe you me…there’s a lot of truth to it. Awhile ago, I took the kids to Six Flags Great Adventure. Apparently, I haven’t learned a damn thing being a parent. Because I seem to keep taking the kids back to these places.  I think it's pretty clear who the insane one is.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thank God for: Lactaid

I’m not what you call a morning person.  In fact, I’m not what you would call a “people” person, either.  But, that’s a tale for another day.  The irony of me not being a morning person is that I love breakfast.  It’s my favorite meal of the day.  I love breakfast foods.  Eggs, pancakes, waffles.  God!  Do I love waffles!  And breakfast meats?  It’s like a smorgasbord of deliciousness.  Bacon, Canadian bacon, sausage patties, sausage links and scrapple.  Yea, even scrapple.  Breakfast is God’s gift to mankind.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Thank God for: Peanut Butter Crunch

For the most part, I try to eat healthy.  Day to day, I either eat oatmeal or Life cereal or Grape Nuts for breakfast.  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “Why bother living, you freak?”  And believe you me, I agree with you.  That’s why come Saturdays, I’m like a two bit hooker getting her fix on.  ‘Cause, that’s when I break out the Cap’n.  No, not Cap’n Morgan.  Please. I’m a loser.  Only rock stars have Cap’n Morgan for breakfast.  And I don’t have the moxie to be either.


Friday, July 1, 2011

My Total Soccer Mom Moment

A couple of weeks ago, Sarah graduated…er, “stepped up” or in this case “stepped out of” eighth grade.  Now I know every parent thinks their kids are brilliant, right?  Well…except for me.  I mostly think my kids are a pain in the ass.  But, I gotta admit, Sarah is pretty farking smart.  Mostly because the kid tells me all the time how smart she is.  There’s some truth in it, though.  She’s had straight A’s since like, third grade.  I don’t lie.  She has.  Well…except for last marking period.  But…I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Meet the Fam

(editor's note 12/1...this page is being updated.  new pics will be up, well..."soonish".) Well, I figured it was time for you to meet some of the folks in my life. You know...put some faces to the names. So, without further ado...