Friday, July 29, 2011

How Not to Break it to Your Kids You're All Going on Vaca. PT1

I'll tell you what…I haven’t had a vacation in years.  Man…it’s got to be at least 6 years.  The last family vacation I had was to Disney.  And believe you me, that really didn’t go to well.  Maybe that’s why I haven’t taken a week off in over half a decade.  Well, that and all the custody hearings.  Sure, I may have had a weekend excursion to Disney World here or a long weekend to Mexico there, but I haven’t had a week off, with the kids, in a really long time.  So, needless to say…I was flippin’ excited when I booked a house down the shore for me, Kelly Marie and the kids.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Reason 618. You know you're getting old when...

you realize theme parks suck.

For the love of the Christ, I’m getting old. Seriously. Everything is just becoming a pain in my ass. You know how the old folks say that it’s all down hill after you turn 40? I think they’re wrong. I think it’s all downhill when your kids start becoming AWARE. They just want and want and want. They want to eat warm foods. They want to wear clean clothes. They want to go outside. “I wanna do this. I wanna do that. I want a party with roomfuls of laughter, Ten thousand tons of ice cream ” Ughhhhhh! I’m tired!!!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Another Great Adventure

Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. I think it was Ghandi or someone like that. Either way, believe you me…there’s a lot of truth to it. Awhile ago, I took the kids to Six Flags Great Adventure. Apparently, I haven’t learned a damn thing being a parent. Because I seem to keep taking the kids back to these places.  I think it's pretty clear who the insane one is.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thank God for: Lactaid

I’m not what you call a morning person.  In fact, I’m not what you would call a “people” person, either.  But, that’s a tale for another day.  The irony of me not being a morning person is that I love breakfast.  It’s my favorite meal of the day.  I love breakfast foods.  Eggs, pancakes, waffles.  God!  Do I love waffles!  And breakfast meats?  It’s like a smorgasbord of deliciousness.  Bacon, Canadian bacon, sausage patties, sausage links and scrapple.  Yea, even scrapple.  Breakfast is God’s gift to mankind.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Thank God for: Peanut Butter Crunch

For the most part, I try to eat healthy.  Day to day, I either eat oatmeal or Life cereal or Grape Nuts for breakfast.  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “Why bother living, you freak?”  And believe you me, I agree with you.  That’s why come Saturdays, I’m like a two bit hooker getting her fix on.  ‘Cause, that’s when I break out the Cap’n.  No, not Cap’n Morgan.  Please. I’m a loser.  Only rock stars have Cap’n Morgan for breakfast.  And I don’t have the moxie to be either.

Friday, July 1, 2011

My Total Soccer Mom Moment

A couple of weeks ago, Sarah graduated…er, “stepped up” or in this case “stepped out of” eighth grade.  Now I know every parent thinks their kids are brilliant, right?  Well…except for me.  I mostly think my kids are a pain in the ass.  But, I gotta admit, Sarah is pretty farking smart.  Mostly because the kid tells me all the time how smart she is.  There’s some truth in it, though.  She’s had straight A’s since like, third grade.  I don’t lie.  She has.  Well…except for last marking period.  But…I’m getting a bit ahead of myself here.