Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Review: Triple Double

Well…this certainly took them long enough didn’t it?  I mean how long have we’ve been doing this on our own?  Late at night, in the dark, when everyone is asleep, creating our own variations of the Triple Double.  So, I gotta commend Nabisco for finally getting their act together.

Now, the thing is, when you bring shit like this into my house, you gotta hide it.  Cause, it don’t last.  I swear to the Christ, there’s been times when I’ll bring a treat home and I’ll really be looking forward to having it maybe later on that day.  I’ll open up the cabinet and….

it’s gone!?!?! 
It doesn’t matter how many rules you lay down.  Kids today…they just laugh at rules.  No respect for authority.  That is...until you start beating them.  So for the sake of this review…I hid the cookies in my bedroom.  I swear those fuckernauts that call themselves my children have some sort of radar, because not 15 minutes after I stuck those cookies up on my armoire, each kid came up to me and said:  “Dad, why do you have cookies on the top of your dresser?  Can I have one?”  WTFMFF?!?!?

But, back to my review…this is what we get inside the package of Triple Doubles.  First of all, the package is significantly lighter than the Double Stuf Oreos (for scientific purposes for this review, I’m using the Double Stuf Oreos as a comparison, the control part of my experiment, if you will (I’m not sure why Nabisco even makes single stuff Oreos anymore.  Who’s complaining about too much crème?  “Eiwwwwww…I don’t like Double Stuf Oreos.  There’s too much goodness in them.  They’re too sweet!”  Yea…as if)).

The Double Stuf package weighs something like 16 + ounces.  The Triple Double?  13 ounces?!?!?  And we all know that these things are sold by weight, not by volume.  So somebody here is getting screwed.  You mean to tell me adding another sliver of crème and another cookie is that un-cost effective. Uh-huh.  Right.

This is what I don’t get.  Why did Nabisco have to get so fancy?  Why a chocolate layer? Why?  WHY????  Why not just two layers of white crème?  And, no, I’m not racist.  I don’t have a problem with chocolate crème.  Some of my best friends have chocolate crème in them.

This is what we all want.  Right?  Can I get an Amen?

Seriously.  Look at this. Nabisco’s Triple Double next to my hand made Double Stuf Triple Double.  We’re getting ripped off here.

Awwww…who am I kidding?  This is what we really want.  The Quad Crème.

But, let’s get down to brass tacks here, shall we?  We all know we’re getting screwed.  We’re getting screw every second of our lives.  So let’s talk about what’s really important.  How do the Triple Doubles taste?  They’re Oreos!  How could they not be little slices of heaven in your mouth?  There’s a party in your mouth and we’re all coming!

For purely scientific reasons, I had to have several of the Triple Doubles.  Just to make sure.  I don’t want to lead you astray.  I don’t want you to blame me when you get home with your package of Triple Doubles and it turns out you’re not completely satisfied.

And, in the name of the Socratic Method, I had to at least sample some of the control group.  What do you take me for?  A charlatan?

My experiment looked nothing like this, ok?  NOTHING!

So?  Worth it?  For shits and giggles?  Yes.  Just too wordlessly say to the check out girl at Target…”Hey.  Look at me.  I’m a fucking pig!”?  Absolutely!  But once the novelty wears off (or after you’ve eaten the entire package in one sitting and you’re not very proud of yourself because of it), you’re just better off getting the Double Stufs.  At least this way, you can hide the fact from the check out girl at Target that you really make Quad Cremes out of your Double Stufs.

1 comment:

  1. yes...i'm commenting on my own post. i can't help it. everytime i read this line, i crack up: ”Hey. Look at me. I’m a fucking pig!”?