Friday, October 28, 2011

What is soft, silver-white alkali metallic chemical element?

I walked in the house, after another day of work. Natalia was at the computer desk, her attention divided between her netbook, laptop, phone and iPod.  Where the other three kids were?  God only knows.  But, believe you me, I was grateful for the few seconds of peace I was being afforded in my own house, before the onslaught of “Dad.  What’s for dinner, Dad?” and “Dad.  What's for dinner tomorrow, Dad?” and “Dad.  Is Occupy Wall Street really going to affect change, Dad?”

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Can't Drive 299,792,458 Meters Per Second

“Hong Kong physicists say they have proved that a single photon obeys Einstein's theory that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light -- demonstrating that outside science fiction, time travel is impossible...”
Over the summer, this news appeared all over the internets.  And let me tell you, it really annoyed the shit out of me.  God!  Stupid scienticians! Ruin everything!  It’s bad enough we don’t have hover cars, or jetpacks or naughty robot maids like they’ve been promising since the 20’s.  Now we can’t travel faster than light?  WTF?!!?  Maybe if these scienticians weren’t so frigging busy trying to clone dinosaurs, we’d have some decent tech around here. 

Friday, October 21, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: Crimes and Punishments PT2

Feel free to catch up here

“Wait a minute.”  I call out to Jakob.  “When did you go to Dunkin?” 
Jakob froze in his tracks.  He glanced up at the top of the steps.  He was almost there.  So closed to sweet freedom.  So close!  His head dropped in defeat.  “Uhhhh…just now.”  He offered up reluctantly.
“But, you didn’t ask me to go, did you?”  I asked.  Yes.  I was leading the witness, your honor.
“No.”  He sighed.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Song of the Immediate future: "Cool it now"

I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “WTFMFF has gotten into Jman now?  First he tries to sell us on late 70’s Kiss crap, then some emo drivel driven by a 50 year old dude.  Now he’s selling us some god awful early 80’s bubble gum faux R&B?  Why do I pay to read this crap?”

Friday, October 14, 2011

Planet of the Jakes: Crimes and Punishments PT1

I was doing my best Cinderella (Cinderelly.  Cinderelly.  Night and day, it’s Cinderelly   Make the fire, fix the breakfast.  Wash the dishes, do the mopping), ironing my work clothes (Yes.  I iron my clothes.  It’s the biggest pain in the ass.  And if you tell me to just buy wrinkle free clothes…I tell you that wrinkle free/wrinkle resistant clothes are a total and complete farce.  And dry cleaning? Please.  If I had that kind of flow, do you think I’d be giving away my talent for free?)  in the laundry room, when Jakob comes in, looking rather grim.  “Dad.  I gotta tell you something.  But, you’re gonna get mad.” 

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

UC Berkeley Scientists 'See' Movies in the Mind

California scientists have found a way to see through another person's eyes.
Researchers from UC Berkeley were able to reconstruct YouTube videos from viewers' brain activity -- a feat that might one day offer a glimpse into our dreams, memories and even fantasies.
"This is a major leap toward reconstructing internal imagery," said Jack Gallant, professor of psychology and coauthor of a study published today in Current Biology. "We are opening a window into the movies in our minds."

I gotta tell you something...this shit fascinates and scares the living hell out of me at the same time.  Sometimes, I think we’re reaching the point where technology is about to get out of our control.  That is, if we haven’t danced the La Bamba past that point already.  We’re not even considering the moral/social issues of these discoveries.  Not that we ever did.  Nope.  Just pick the two best cities and drop the bombs.  We’ll deal with the long term socio/economic impact some other time.  These days, though, it just seems like this shit is happening quicker and quicker.  Science fiction becoming science fact at an even faster clip.


Friday, October 7, 2011

In the Wild

My kids are great at finding things.  They really are.  Especially Jakob.  He never comes to me and says “Dad, I can’t find X.  Dad.”  “X” being whatever he’s missing at the moment.  Book, toy, random Lego piece, shoe, homework.  He never just stands in the middle of the room and says anything like that.  Never.  And whatever the item he’s looking for is never 9 times out of 10 within a foot of his vision.  Never.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Do Not Listen to Me: Hot Rod

Way back when, back when the kids were younger we used to have Saturday night movie nights.  We’d all gather around the TV with our snacks, put a movie in and then the kids would proceed to ask their ol’ man 50 million questions about whatever was on the screen at any given moment.  I shit you not.  From the time the movie started to the end, it would be a nonstop barrage of questions.  I can’t tell you how many times I would have to stop a movie to have a Q and A session.  And it’s not like I’m talking about deep movies here.  I’m not talking A Scanner Darkly.  I’m talking:

Monday, October 3, 2011

Song of the Week: Lies of the Beautiful People

I feel so traumatized
Doped up and televised
Life can be cruel and insane

But we've got these ugly scars
On our infected hearts
Maybe it's time for a change

I don’t know what’s wrong with music today.  Where is all the rock? know and I know that I grew up on metal.  Hair metal, to be exact.  I say it loud.  I say it proud. I say it softly and when no one is around.  Because, quite frankly, it’s embarrassing.  Saying you like Metal these days is like saying you like hippies and Disco, well...whatever decade you live in.  ‘Cause no one likes hippies or Disco.  I mean, thank god for the Foo Fighters, cause if it weren’t for them, where would we be?