Monday, October 17, 2011

Song of the Immediate future: "Cool it now"

I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “WTFMFF has gotten into Jman now?  First he tries to sell us on late 70’s Kiss crap, then some emo drivel driven by a 50 year old dude.  Now he’s selling us some god awful early 80’s bubble gum faux R&B?  Why do I pay to read this crap?”

Ok.  First of all, if that’s what you’re thinking, then let’s get something straight.  You don’t pay penny one to read any of this, ok?  And as Facebook is well aware, if you don’t pay for the product, then you are the product.  How that applies here, I’m not entirely sure.  But, it’s true.  And I find that really fucked up.
So…I admit most of the "Cool it now" is really, how you say…ungood.  But, BUT, what IS really great about it are the two parts where the guys from New Edition show there MC skills.  Not only do I love those two parts, but I will suffer through the song, just to hear them.  And when I hear the song on the radio? You know it.  I turn down the radio, and show my MC skills.  Damn, right.
“When ya got a girl who takes her time
You must slow the pace you can't mess with her mind
If she feels the same she'll letcha know
Just prepare yourself or be ready to go
And I hope this message stays in your mind
Cause you almost lost a girl who is right on time
There's one more thing that ya got to know
Just cool it down and stay in control”
C’mon!  Tell me that’s not awesome?!?!  I dare you!  Fucking poetry in motion!  And you know the memories of junior high are flooding back to you as you read this. 
But, as great as that rap is, Ralph Tresvant’s response is even better:
“Why you all coming down on me
Tryin to tell me how my life is supposed to be
I know you're only trying to help me out
Tryin to show me what life is really about
But this time I'm gonna make it on my own
So why dontcha fellaz just leave me alone
Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike
If I like the girl who cares who you like”
Wanna know what my favorite line is?  Of course you do!  It’s:  “Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike?  If I like the girl, who cares who you like?”  God!  I love that shit!  Every time I hear Ralph Tresvant (And, yea, I knew it was Ralph Tresvant rapping/singing the song.  And, no, I didn’t look it up on Wikipedia.  Feel free, though) say the other guys’ names, I can still picture the video.  Each guy turned his head to the camera when Ralph says his name.  It’s awesome!  You really gotta love early 80’s videos.
Okokok.  Make fun as you will.  At least I have the courage, nay…the strength to admit my guilty pleasure for all the internets and all eternity.  You know you’ve got a secret little box of songs from questionable artists that you love.  Is it Roxette?  Or maybe Olivia Newton John?  Does a lil ONJ do it for you?  Let’s get physical.  Physical.  Physical. I wanna get physical.  Let’s get into physical. Let me hear your body talk.”  No?  How about Taylor Swift, then?  “Teardrops on my guitar”? “You belong with me”? Hmmm?  Oh…wait.  I know.  I’ve got it.  Color Me Badd.  That’s the one!  “I wanna sex you up!”
While you go ahead and scramble all over youtube for CMB’s video to “I wanna sex you up”, I’ll leave you with this parting thought:
“Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike?  If I like the girl, who cares what you like?”

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