Friday, October 28, 2011

What is soft, silver-white alkali metallic chemical element?

I walked in the house, after another day of work. Natalia was at the computer desk, her attention divided between her netbook, laptop, phone and iPod.  Where the other three kids were?  God only knows.  But, believe you me, I was grateful for the few seconds of peace I was being afforded in my own house, before the onslaught of “Dad.  What’s for dinner, Dad?” and “Dad.  What's for dinner tomorrow, Dad?” and “Dad.  Is Occupy Wall Street really going to affect change, Dad?”

“S’up, Natalia?” I asked, dropping my bag by the couch.  I nodded over at her elaborate setup.  “How’s the day trading business going?”
“Ok” She responded, on automatic. 
“Great!” I smirked, rolling my eyes as I walked by her on my way to the kitchen
“Hey, wait.”  She asked, sparking to life.  “Dad.  Do you know this song, Dad?” 
I turned back toward her.  Music?  Besides toys, comics, legos, nerf guns, Apple products, food and making out, music is one of my favorite topics!  Oh…and the overall greatness of being me.  Go ahead.  Ask me sometime.  I’ll be happy to tell you how wonderful I think I am.  “What is it?”  I asked curiously. 
“Ok.  Hang on a sec.”  Natalia replied.  As she fiddled with the mouse for a few moments, I glanced at the screen of the laptop sitting on the desk in front of her.  There were two Nirvana songs up on iTunes:  “Heart Shaped Box” and “Lithium”.  Deciding which song she wanted me to hear, she clicked play.  From the speakers of the laptop the song’s lyrics came wafting up, like the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking in the stove on a cold, snowy snow day (God!  I’m good.  Like fucking poetry in motion!)
“I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I've found god.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah.....”
I closed my eyes and nodded along to the song.  “Yea.”  I said, like I was savoring the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking in the stove on a cold, snowy snow day (Shit!  That line was way too good to use only once!). “I know that song.  That’s Lithium” I replied.  But, what was I thinking?  Duuuhhhhhhhh!  Stupid kid!  Who doesn’t know “Lithium”?
“Yea!”  She replied, excited that I knew the song.  “My friend Lily sent me a link to it on YouTube.  I told her I recognized the song, probably from you.”
I paused for a moment.  “So…did you know the song?  Or didn’t?”
“Nah…I don’t think so.  Unless you played it before or something.”
“And Lillian didn’t know it either?”
“Nope.  But, she’s always going thru YouTube looking for things.  She’s a YouTube junkie.”
“Wow.”  I replied, staring blankly at her.  Seriously?  WTF?!?!?  She doesn’t know Lithium?  How could Natalia not know Lithium?  They’ve only been playing it on the radio for the last 20 fucking years now. Yea, that’s right.  Twenty fucking years!  I get Natalia’s twelve, but how could she not know Lithium?  How could any child of mine, besides Jethro of course (Who loves “dance music”.  Ugh.  Puke!), not recognize Lithium?  It should be integrated into her DNA.
“What?”  Natalia asked, confused.
“Just surprised that you didn’t know that song.”
“It is an old song, Dad.”
Yea.  That didn’t hurt too much.  Hang on, Natalia.  Let me take a second to remove that barb from my heart.  I guess this is what classic rock is to these stupid kids today, isn’t it?!?!?  Only classic rock to their generation isn’t Zeppelin or the Who or the Stones.  Their classic rock is Nirvana.  Nirvana?!?!?  Are you kidding me?  It hasn’t been that long since Nevermind came out, has it?  Oh…wait.  I did just say it’s been 20 fucking years, didn’t I?
“Whatever, Natalia.”  I said, walking away from her.
“Well, it is!  I can’t help it that the songs you know are old!”  She mocked in a way that reminded me a little too much of me.
“Shut up, Natalia!”
“Just sayin, Fadder.  Just sayin!”
Editor’s note:  Here comes the Andy Rooney part of today’s episode…
If “Lithium” is classic rock to these lil creeps, then what the hell is ”Calling Dr. Love”?  Oldies?  God!  I hated the oldies station growing up.  Listening to that 50’s rockabilly/doo wop crap that sounded like it was recorded in, and through, a tin can.  Is that what these kids think of “Kashmir” and “Running with the Devil” and “Wish you were here”?
Meh…nuts to them.  See if I care!  Think I wanna hear any more Lady Gaga?”  Please, I think some throw up just reached the back on my throat.


  1. I was just thinking about how Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, etc were "classic rock" in the 80s and how "old and outdated" I used to think those bands used to be. So let me think... they were like, 10 years old back then, are like getting close to 40 years old now, and bands like Nirvana are now in the 20 year old range. I'm old.

    Nonetheless, my kids get exposure to all of them, mostly because, you know, screw kid's music. I remember driving with my infant playing "Louder than Love" by Soundgarden (quietly, of course). Sure they're not grunge fans now, but I don't rule it out, and the music they pick out on their own is way better than Bieber, Wiggles, all that crap, etc.

    Did I mention I'm old?

    1. agreed on both your points. i always played "my" music when they were little. i couldn't stand being in my friends' cars and having to suffer through barney. Besides, my kids ruled the TV, do they have to rule the car radio, too?!?!? i think not!

      as for classic rock, now and then...funny, isn't it. i'm old, too...