Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Don't Listen to Me: Triple Double Redux

A bit ago, I reviewed the new Oreo Triple Doubles (which I just conveniently hyperlinked for you).  Well, lo and behold, while on my quad weekly trip to Walmart, yours truly stumbled across these beauties:

To begin with, I’m not quite sure what the deal is with the Triple Doubles line.   Whether they are a “limited edition” thing or a new player to the starting lineup.  My feeling is, purely based on how the animal spirits guide me, is they’re just limited edition.  A novelty to be pulled out of the dungeon every so often, naughty bits exposed, a lurid smile painted on their faces, and paraded out for us butter-lovin’ American sloths (Man!  I gotta stop watching Sucker Punch.).
These Neapolitan Triple Doubles must be pretty rare.  I’ve only seen them at my local Walmart.  I guess they’re the “chaser” of the cookie world.  Wait?  What’s that? What’s that you ask?  What’s a “chaser”?  Oh…that’s collector speak for the item that’s “short packed” in a case of whatever.  What’s that?  More collector jargon?  “Short packed” is when one particular action figure, baseball card, automobile is purposely made less of.  So, for every 5 Joe Jonas trading cards in a pack of Annoyingly Marketed, Pre-adolescent, Non-threatening teen singers, there may be only 1 Justin Beiber card.  Hence, artificially creating demand.  Follow?  How do I know all this?  It’s definitely not because I spent a better part of the 90’s chasing (get it? “chasing”…”chaser”?!?!  Duh!) down short packed action figures.  Definitely not because of that.
We’re here for the cookies.  So…the same complaints apply from the original Triple Doubles to the Neapolitan ones…Nabisco’s getting too fancy with the two different flavored crèmes, not putting enough crème in them to begin with, etc, etc.  We’re not here to rehash.  I don’t tear down.  I build up.
All that nonesense being said, the Neapolitan Triple Doubles are really good.  Yea.  That’s right.  Really good.  I go on record here saying I like them better than the original Triple Doubles.  Why?  That strawberry crème.  That strawberry crème is real nice.  Talk about making Fadderly happy.  I make my own “non-Nabisco-fancy” Triple Doubles by getting rid of the chocolate crème (Hey.  I’m not a racist. ”...some of my best friends are filled with chocolate crème”) and replacing it with another strawberry crème.  What can I say?  I’m a simple man.  I don’t need a lot of theatrics to make me happy.
Here’s a hint to Nabisco, free of charge from your friendly neighborhood Jman:  Make strawberry filled, Double Stuf Golden Oreos (man, talk about a mouthful!).  Please?!?!  Actually here’s an even better idea.  And this idea is so good, I really shouldn’t give it out for free, but WTF…Nabisco should just make Oreo crème middles.  Yep.  That’s it.  An entire package of middles.  Sorta like Oops! All Berries.  Only better.  Cause those fucking crunch berries tear the shit out of the roof of my mouth.
                                                      hurts soooooo good....

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