Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I, For One, Welcome Our New Alien Overlords

“The U.S. government yesterday denied ever having had contact with alien life forms.
The White House insisted there was no evidence extra-terrestrials have visited Earth or made any manner of contact.
The denial is an official response to two petitions asking for confirmation that alien encounters have taken place.
‘Thank you for signing the petition asking the Obama administration to acknowledge an extra-terrestrial presence here on Earth,’ said Phil Larson, who works on space policy and communications at the White House.”
Yea, yea, yea.  Okokokokokok.  Now look, I’m not saying aliens exist.  I really don’t know.  Until I’m abducted, and hopefully not anal probed, then the jury will be out for your friendly neighborhood Jman about alien existence.  But, do I love a good conspiracy theory?  Hell yea!  Do I love a bad conspiracy theory even more?  Double hell yea!  Why?  I couldn’t tell you.  Maybe it’s because the one thing I do believe is that the truth usually lies somewhere between fact and fiction.  Truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder (yea, I invented that.  God damn poetry in motion, if you ask me.  Tell your friends.  Then tell them to follow me on twitter @thefadderly. Then tell them to start coughing up some cash.  Fadderly wants a new macbook).

                On second thought, I don’t think I want to be abducted.  I don’t trust this guy.
I’m not so narrow-minded to think that we're the only beings to exist in the universe, either.  The White House acknowledges that with trillions of other planets out in the great unknown, alien life is a possibility.  Furthermore, if the universe is expanding, and human beings have only walked this rock a change full of millenniums, then I’d wager dollars to donuts there’s got to be other life out there.  We just haven’t been around long enough. Listen it’s only been 50 years or so that we’ve managed to get off this stinking planet.  We haven’t explored anything yet!!!!  How can we so readily say one way or the other of alien existence?
Have we ever been visited?  Again, I don’t know (Are you paying attention here?  Do I need to quiz you at the end of this article?).  But, would it surprise me that Kal-el is hiding amongst us? Or that there’s some funky alien autopsies happening in some underground bunker somewhere?  Or that maybe we’re all just living in some sort of Matrix type existence for the laughs/power supply of some other more advanced alien civilization?  Or that I might be from alien decent cause I’m allergic to just about everything and why would a native of this planet be allergic to it?  My answer?  No.  To all of those questions.

                                          now say "Ahhhhhh..."
But...I’m about half way through the book, Area 51: An Uncensored History of America's Top Secret Military Base (I told you I love a good conspiracy theory), and unfortunately it’s sorta convincing me that we haven’t been visited/invaded/anal probed.  All those UFO sightings in the early 40’s/50’s/60’s?  Turns out to be fucking CIA spy planes.  WTF?!?!?  Is that what this recent rash of UFO sightings is now? Government hijinks?  Man!!!  WTF!?!?  They’re killing my conspiracy theory love here.
You can call me naïve (hell, I’ve been called worse) and say that the book is just propaganda.  Maybe it is.  Or maybe it’s the truth.  I don’t really know.  But, I totally believe in ghosts.  And I totally believe they watch you when you get friendly with yourself.  Good luck cranking one off later!

                                                        Told ya!

1 comment:

  1. Alien invasion? Government conspiracies? hmm, sounds like the makings of a Hollywood movie. Yeah, I'm a conspiracy fan too, I just don't believe most of them. That doesn't mean I believe everything the Gov tells me though. I think the truth is very carefully hidden between decades of lies, either way you look at it.