Friday, December 16, 2011

Me No Like Muppet Movie

Over the weekend, I took Jethro and Jakob to see the Muppets.  Rather than beat a dead horse with yet another pointless review that’s several weeks behind anyway, how’s bout we do something far more exciting?  Like talk about your friendly neighborhood Jman’s thoughts about everything BUT the movie?  We’ll call this the Bizarro Muppets review, k?  I’ll just spare you the backwards Bizarro speak, for now.  Sound good?  No?  TS!  I subscribe to the Facebook philosophy:  “If you’re not paying for the product, you are the product”.  So, buckle up and enjoy your “free” ride…

   They ran the trailer for Pixar’s upcoming movie, Brave, in front of the Muppets. To be honest with you, I haven’t been all that interested in it.  I’ve sorta been avoiding any and all references to it.  Just not interested, I guess.  That, and all the flippin Cars 2 merchandise that’s still out there, is…how the French say…leaving a bad Pixar taste in my mouth.  I didn’t even see Cars 2.  It wasn’t like I was all that crazy about the original Cars, let alone understand the need for a sequel (For the love of all things great and small…a Cars sequel before the Incredibles???  Whatever, Pixar.  Whatever.)  All that vitriol being spewed, though, I gotta admit Brave looks pretty good.  Everyone deserves another chance, especially Pixar.  So mark that one on your calendar to be seen.

                 if i only had an eighth of his overall coolness...
Journey 2.  No.  Not the reformation of the rock band.  Sorry to disappoint all you classic rock fans out there (Just a small town girl.  Living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going any where…).  It’s the sequel to the painful Journey to the Center of the Earth.  Journey 2:  The Mysterious Island is another movie I didn’t know much about.  I must be living underneath a rock anymore.  And speaking of a rock (Synergy, folks.  Synergy), Journey 2 stars The Rock/Dwayne Johnson.  Now, I don’t mind admitting I think I love the Rock (in a purely platonic way that is) as much as I love Dave Grohl.  No matter your feelings on sports entertainment, you gotta admit the Rock is about as cool as they get.  And if you don’t admit it, well…I’m fairly certain he’d stuff it straight up your candy ass.  So, either way, check Journey 2 as one to catch.
If you liked that bit of synergy, wait til you catch this one…
SPOILER ALERT:  So, I’m watching this Muppets movie, which is entertaining enough.  I’m sure you know the synopsis, so I won’t burn too much of my word count explaining the premise.  Part of the movie, though, involves Fozzie joining the “Moopets”.  Some sort of horrible “cover band” of the Muppets.  The camera pans through the Moopet members and playing Animal is a real person (As opposed to a “fake” person?  Is that what you’re thinking?  No.  As opposed to a muppet, k?).  That I know I recognize. 
I leaned over to Jethro and whispered, “Jethro!  Is that Dave Grohl?” 
“I don’t know.” He whispered back with a shrug.
“I think it is.”  I replied.  I wasn’t really sure, though.  Whoever it was, he was only on the screen for a moment.  You know it was one of those things, that whoever was playing “Animool”, HAD to be someone famous.  I sat there holding my breath, like the little school girl I am, waiting/hoping to see the drummer again.  I wasn’t disappointed.  Cause, sure enough, playing Animool was Dave Grohl!  Dave fucking Grohl!
“It is Jethro!  It’s Dave Grohl.  From the Foo Fighters!”
“So?” He snapped back at me.
Eiw!  I stared at Jethro for a long moment.  This is the same kid who can’t get 4 seconds into a movie without asking a question.  And he just cut me off?!?!  WTF?  “I can’t believe he’s in the movie!”  I said again, and yes, now I was trying to piss Jethro off.
“I’m trying to watch the movie, Dad.”
“Well, excuse me!”  Don’t worry, I’ll remember all this the next time he’s got a question during movie night.  “Can’t believe it was him.”  I whispered again after another long moment, just loud enough for Jethro to hear.  Is there anything Dave Grohl can’t do?”
I swear he told me to shut the fuck up.

                                                        yea, that's him

And you know there’s no going anywhere with Tweedledee and Tweedledum without a “trip to the bathroom” story. No exception this time.  I threatened them up and down that I wasn’t taking either one of them to the bathroom in the middle of the movie.  I started the lecture before we left the house and continued it in the car ride to the theater.  I told them they had to take care of business before the movie started, or they were just gonna have to pee themselves, cause I wasn’t getting up. 
To make things a bit more challenging for them, I bought the super sized Coke for the three of us (so what if it was 9:40 in the morning!  you can’t go to the movies and not have popcorn and a soda, amiright?) to share.  Jakob took the soda off the counter and I warned him again.  “Don’t drink too much.  I’m telling you…”
And half way through the movie, guess who had to go to the bathroom?

WTF?!?!?  Now, I’m asking, nigh…begging either one of them if they had to go to the bathroom.  Of course they didn’t.  But, I wasn’t walking out of that theater alone.  I turned to Jakob and said:
“I know you have to go.  Let’s go.”
“I don’t, Dad.”  He whispered to me.
I turned to Jethro.  “You?”
“Nope.” He replied, not taking his eyes off the screen.
I turned back to Jakob.  “C’mon.” I whispered, nodding my head to the exit.
“But, Dad…”
“Let’s go!”  I cut his protest off.  “You know you’re gonna have to go at some point.  Might as well go now.”
“Fine!” He said, arms folded.
“Fine!” I grabbed his hand and led him out the theater.
Nonononono! Don’t be fooled.  Jakob had to go, too!  To keep it romantic between you and me, let’s just say it wasn’t like he was waiting for me outside the bathroom.  He might’ve not been guilty of committing that crime, but he was guilty of committing some crime…

God!  These posts just keep getting longer and longer!


  1. I'm totally with you on The Incredibles. I loved that movie. Cars 1 and 2 both blow. Just watched C2 the other night. I thought Mater was the worst part of Cars and now he's the star in C2. Ugh. Kill me. I do want to see Brave though. I'm a sucker for a red headed heroine who doesn't have big boobs a la Ariel.

    I was trying to find the heckler's post, but I couldn't find it.

  2. LOL! Brave does look really good. And it's getting really good buzz...

    I hastily deleted the heckler's post. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't. It's really provided me with some mileage/good material...