Friday, May 11, 2012

Photo Essay: Pollen

Are you, like me, an allergy sufferer?  No?  Good for you!  Why don’t you just rub it in my face, then?  Cause, believe you me, I suffer.  I chronicled my pain way back when in a post called: “What is a fine powder consisting of microgametophytes?”( microgametophytes?  It’s pollen,ok?  What can I say?  I try and be “clever” with my titles.).
The last few weeks here in beautiful downtown Ben Salom have been completely miserable.  Rain, overcast, grey…the whole nine yards.  I don’t know how you folks living in Seattle or London do it.  I’d probably stick my head in the oven, but it’s electric (boogie woogie woogie woogie) and that shit just gets hot.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


If you know anything about me, and if you’ve been reading this blog at any length (you damn well better be), you know I’m a “closet” superhero fan.  I don’t wave my geek flag high, though.  No.  That’s not for me.  I’m still a little, shall we say, reserved about my geekdom, I suppose.  I have a rep to protect.  But on the inside?  I’m just a giddy lil fanboy.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I Am Now a Person Who Says Things Like, “Don’t Make Me Pull This Car Over!”

It’s teasy-weasy time!  Why?  Because!  That’s why.  Don’t y'all know by now the answer to “Why?” is “Because”?  C’mon, get with the program!
Anyway, here’s a lil sample of today’s post I Am Now a Person Who Says Things Like, “Don’t Make Me Pull This Car Over!” that’s over at
“In one of my recent posts, I wrote about the “joys” of taking your kids for a car ride.  Kids must instinctively know they can get away with murder in the car.  They probably see us buckled in, distracted by the radio, talking on the phone, texting, oh…and driving and think, this is the perfect time to be bad.
My kids will argue with one another, in the car, at a whole other level.  And it’s not like they’re sitting close to one another…”
If you wanna read the rest (and I know you do), you’re gonna have to pay the toll.  Finefinefine.  No toll.  Your love is toll enough, I suppose.  Just click the link and get out of here before I change my mind…

Monday, May 7, 2012

7 Words or Less: The Avengers


Stark is totally based off of me (minus the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist part*).

Friday, May 4, 2012

If a Bear Falls Out of a Tree, Does Anyone See It? “A black bear who wandered onto the University of Colorado campus fell safely from a tree after being tranquilized, and was later relocated to the nearby Rocky Mountains.
State wildlife official Jennifer Churchill said Friday that the 91-kilogram male bear was tagged and taken to a remote area of ponderosa pines, oak brush and chokeberry.”

I love this story.  A black bear up a tree, gets tranqed and falls out of said tree.  It's great!  Well, actually, it’s not so much the story I love.  But, this picture that was taken at the scene:

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

What Is the “Right” Age for a Kid Cut the Lawn?

“I have to tell you, I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a really long time. It’s probably one of the few perks of having kids. No, I’m not talking about when the last one finally moves out. I wish I was that lucky! Heavens, no. I’ve got at least another decade and a half before that happens to me. No, I’m  talking about another milestone in your growth as a parent. What is it?”
Ok.  Ok.  That’s enough.  No more for you.  If you like what you’ve read, you’re gonna have to pop on over to to check out the rest.   The article’s called:  “What Is the “Right” Age for a Kid Cut the Lawn?”
So?  Why are you still staring at me?  Cause I teased the way I did?!?!  Oh, stop!  It's just a tease.  Just hit the link, for all that’s holy!  Stop being so sensitive!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Noodle Sandwiches

This isn’t a direct sequel to Planet of the Jakes:  Chicken Patties Pt 1 or Planet of the Jakes:  Chicken Patties Pt 2.  But, it helps to get an idea of where we were and how we got here.  So, if you wanna take a few moments to familiarize yourself with the previous goings on, I suggest you do.  Now!

Friday, April 27, 2012


Let me first start off by saying, this isn’t the movie review I’ve been promising for almost three weeks now.  Oh, I’m still “working” on that one.  Meaning, it’s floating around in my head somewhere.  I just haven’t had the chance to put the words to computer yet.  I was going to, though. I swear.  You’d be reading about GREEN LANTERN right now, if it weren’t for the travesty of a movie called SOMETHING BORROWED.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Take My Advice: Do Not Go on a Long Car Trip With Your Kids”

Today’s post: “Take My Advice: Do Not Go on a Long Car Trip With Your Kids” is over at  But, I am NOT gonna let you leave here empty handed.  No siree!!!  I have some lovely parting gifts for you.  Katy, tell them what they’re taking with them:
Why, sure, Jesse:  “One of the best things to do with your kids is to take a car ride. And by “best,” I mean “most painful.” Whether it’s a short trip to the food store or a thousand mile drive to some vacation destination, driving with your kids can drive you nuts!”
Don’t forget to come back next week, when I’ll be talking about…ummm, errr…I don’t know yet.  And don’t wait til next week, either.  Check back tomorrow.  Until, then, I remain:  “hit this link

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

7 Words or Less: Fred 2: Night of the Living Fred


I'm embarrassed to admit.  I laughed.  Alot.

7 Words or Less: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol


No nutritional value. One helluva ride, thou!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Photo Essay: Gated Entrance

There’s a really cool, creepy place where I live in beautiful downtown Ben Salom.  It doesn’t have a name per se, but, a cool, creepy place nonetheless...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Rolling Mist

Is it rolling in,
or moving out?
Is the darkness creeping in,
or the light pushing out?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Chicken Patties. PT2

Part one of “Planet of the Jakes:  Chicken patties” can be found here.  You may want to do yourself the solid and read it if you haven’t already.  And I’ll know if you haven’t!!!!
On with the show.  This is it:

Monday, April 16, 2012

The 11th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Touch Thy Neighbor’s Smartphone

Today’s post: “The 11th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Touch Thy Neighbor’s Smartphone” is over at  Now, I know you’re excited, but before you start clicking randomly away at links, why don’t you see what you’re in for, first?

“I know. I know. What’s the big deal, right? It’s just a phone, isn't it? No way! It’s not just a phone. It’s your life! It’s the Pandora’s box to your life! Phones today are full of your sensitive, personal information. It’s got constant access to your Facebook and Twitter accounts. Not to mention your contacts, email accounts, browser bookmarks and history, your music, your pictures, everything! And if you have cloud computing? There’s access to your home computer too!”

See?  Now you’re prepared to click the link

What are you waiting for! Click it!!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Photo Essay: Ones

Look.  I admit, there’s something wrong with me. Stupid shit bugs me.  Not to the extent where I’m at the front door in my boxers screaming at the neighborhood kids to get the hell off my lawn.  I’m not that bad.  At least not yet.  Just…do me a solid, don’t ask my kids.

No.  I’m more talking about stuff like this:

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Chicken Patties. Pt. 1

I don’t know if I ever told you guys this, but Jakob is a picky eater.  Seriously.  He is.  What foods he likes literally changes day to day, moment to moment.  As a family, we “joke” about it a lot, but it’s flippin frustrating at times.  Like when I was going through his school bag one day and the brown paper bag that housed his lunch the night prior was still there in his book bag.  I didn’t think much about it at the time.  I just tossed the crumpled up lunch bag into the trash.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Weekend Special: Kid Zones Really Creep Me Out!!!

Just for you.  And only you…I’ve got a bonus post over at  It’s called:  “Kid Zones Really Creep Me Out”.  Here’s what you can expect, right before you click that link:

““Kid zones? What’s a kid zone?” Is that what you’re wondering? C’mon! You know what they are; you’ve been there. It’s those little areas at fast food restaurants for kids to play in. Or even worse, the places that market themselves as full-time kid zones. You know the places I’m talking about. The ones where you can have your kid’s birthday party? One of the places, in particular, has a “hip” rodent as its mascot. And I’m not talking Mickey, either.”

So, before you head out this weekend, why don’t you click this here link.  Then it’ll be fine for you to go about your business…

Friday, April 6, 2012

7 Words or Less: Abduction


Not my pick!  Regardless, finely acted. #sarcasm

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Meal Planning Around Picky Eaters

Today’s post is over at  It’s called:  “Meal Planning Around PickyEaters”.  Here’s the tease:

“Dinner used to be so much easier when my kids were little. I’d just make some food, put it in front of them, and they’d eat it. But as my kids have gotten older, they’ve gotten pickier. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? 

Kids and their opinions, likes and dislikes. How does a kid who’s been on the planet for like 5 seconds even know what he likes? I don’t know. But with five different personalities in my house, myself included, it’s almost impossible to come up with meal ideas that everyone likes.”

So?  Like what you see?  Of course you do.  What don’t you hit this link and read the rest?  Actually, you better.  Cause there’s a pop quiz afterward…

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Thank God For...Krispy Kreme

About a decade ago, a few Krispy Kreme stores opened up in my area.  If there’s a place that’s on God’s dessert stop, it’s Krispy Kreme.  I don’t know what those Krispy Kreme people put in those donuts; double MSG, Meth or what…I don’t know.  But, GD!!!  They were the best flippin donuts. EVAR!!!!  I shit you not!
                                                          " far is heaven?"

Friday, March 30, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Brian Strikes Again!

One day, not long ago (how many times can I start these stories with “the other day” or “a few nights ago”?  it ain’t very original of me.  how can I possible live up to the self appointed title “the next Mark Twain” if I keep using the same phrases over and over again?!?! ) I had to pick Jethro up early from school.  Because all my kids have passed through this elementary school, the faculty there pretty much know me by sight.  I thought about petitioning the school board to name the school after me, but…I’m not that vain.  Actually, that’s not true at all.  I am that vain.  I’m just too lazy to do it.
                                         “Bitch, please!”

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Does Technology Have a Place in School?

Today’s post, “Does Technology Have a Place in Our Schools” is over at Wanna see what you’re in for?  Of course you do!!!!
“When my daughter started 9th grade last September, her high school had a pretty strict policy on the use of technology. It was actually a “zero tolerance” policy. If a student was caught operating any kind of technology (phone, iPod, etc.) on school property during school hours, the student had to relinquish the tech to the school and the student’s parents had to come to school to sign it back out into the student’s possession. During 9th grade orientation, the principal was adamant about this policy. No ifs, ands or buts, as the saying goes.”
So, stop wasting your time here, and hit that link.  Wait.  Hold on.  You can waste all the time here you want.  Just, when you’re done, then hit that link.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

From the Archives: What is a fine powder consisting of microgametophytes?

Editor’s note:  It seemed kinda fitting to reach into the archives for this post.  Why you ask?  Well, your friendly neighborhood jman doesn’t have any new content prepared for today.  Sorry.  What can I say?  It’s been one of those…lifetimes.

And with the really nice weather from last week, all the tree and plant life decided to prematurely bloom (stupid tree and plant life), which is even more of a fitting reason to reach into the archives for this gem…

What is a fine powder consisting of microgametophytes?
Originally published on 5/2009

Maybe you’ve noticed the lack of quality content around here, lately. You’re probably wondering: “WTF!!!” Am I right? Wait.  I know.  I know.  I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking:  “He's late, again?!?  Probably giving up already.  I knew it!” Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, then nuts to you! Cause I've got a perfectly valid reason for not posting lately. You wanna know what’s up? Do you? Fine! It’s this:

Friday, March 23, 2012

Song of the Immediate Future: Love Interruption

I want love to: roll me over slowly,
Stick a knife inside me, and twist it all around.
I want love to: grab my fingers gently,
Slam them in a doorway, Put my face into the ground.
I want love to: murder my own mother,
Take her off to somewhere, like hell, or up above.
And I want love to: change my friends to enemies,
Change my friends to enemies, and show me how it's all my fault.

And I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
Yeah I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me, anymore.

I want love to: walk right up and bite me,
Grab a hold of me and fight me, leave me dying on the ground.
I want love to: split my mouth wide open,
And cover up my ears and never let me hear a sound
I want love to: forget that you offended me,
Or how you have defended me when everybody talked me down
Yeah and I want love to: change my friends to enemies,
Change my friends to enemies, and show me how it's all my fault.
I’ve heard this song a few times over the last couple weeks on the college radio station I listen to.  Yes.  I’m forced to listen to college radio.  Cause radio stations suck.   But, I’m not going to start that rant here.  Again.  I brought us here together to talk about “Love Interruption.”

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

See this?  Do you see this? This is what happens to birthday cakes in our house after about a week.  We destroyed it!  You don’t ever want to mess with us.  We’ll put a hurtin’ on you like this cake!!!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Do Me A Solid, Don't...see J Edgar


So…over the weekend, Kelly Marie and I watched the movie J. Edgar.  Released in 2011, it was directed by Clint Eastwood and stars Leonardo DiCapro and a bunch of other actors I may or may not have recognized.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Completely Random Photo(s) of the Immediate Future

The other day, Kelly Marie called me from Target, laughing.  She said she found these really funny cards.  She proceeded to read them to me.  I told her to buy them, right on the spot.  She thought I was nuts.  Truth be told, I am.  But, I wanted to share them with my listeners.  You guys are the best damn listeners, ever!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My 7 Favorite Things to Say to My Kids

Friends, neighbors, internet countrymen…lend me your ears.  A few days ago, I set you up with a really funny post called:  My Kids’ 7 Favorite Things to Say” over at parentsociety.comWell, today?  Here are My 7 Favorite Things to Say to My Kids”.  Wanna lil nibble?  Ok…

As in: “Dad? Dad? Dad, Dad, Dad!” This usually comes from one or more of them while they’re by the front door. My response, when I’m usually at the farthest point in the house from the front door: “WHAT?”

Yes!  It is another countdown and it’s another slideshow!  I took it really easy on your brains this morning.  So…hit this link!!!

Bet you can’t guess what #1 is?!?!?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

"...eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel..."

The state in which I live (The physical state, not my mental one.  We’re all best served not talking about my mental state.) recently enacted a “no texting while driving law”.  Which means, you can be pulled over and fined ($50) for texting while driving.  Admittedly, it’s probably a good idea.  We all probably shouldn’t be texting and driving at the same time.  Especially if were gonna eat, read, and watch TV while were driving.

Monday, March 12, 2012

My Kids’ 7 Favorite Things to Say

Today’s post My Kids’ 7 Favorite Things to Sayis over at parentsociety.comBecause I care about you, here’s a lil taste:

“Another of my kids’ sayings that I love to hear. What am I supposed to do when one of them says this to me? Run over to the stove and rustle up some grub? Take out my magic wand and produce the grandest buffet ever seen? Yeah, as if. Because neither of those things happens, “I’m hungry” tends to be quickly followed up by this one:”

The post is one of those top ten lists.  Minus three of course.  A "slideshow" on top of that.  It's like getting all your money back, plus shipping!  So…what are you waiting for?  Hit that link, why dontcha?!?!?

Friday, March 9, 2012

Wait. Who opened up for Van Halen???

I saw Van Halen in concert the other day with my buddy, Paco Reban.  Yea…that’s right.  Van friggin Halen.  Call me old, call them old.  I don’t care.  It’s all true.                                                                           

                      Not quite the same band I saw the other day.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Nothing's shocking...

“To me, though, the alt rock group Jane’s Addiction put it aptly, almost a quarter of a century ago: ”Nothing’s shocking.” If nothing is shocking anymore, then what? Things get more and more absurd. The more absurd they get, the more the meaning gets lost. And if things are so absurd that they have no meaning, what is there to rebel against?”
What?  You’re still here?  What are you waiting for?  Hit that link!!!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Song of the Immediate Future: Your Love

Josie's on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over
So many things that I wanna say
You know I like my girls a little bit older

I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I ain't got many friends left to talk to
No one's around when I'm in trouble
You know I'd do anything for you
Stay the night, but keep it under cover


Try to stop my hands from shaking
Something in my mind's not making sense
It's been awhile since we've been all alone
I can't hide the way I'm feeling

As you leave me, please, won't you close the door
And don't forget what I told you
Just cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon

(fade chorus)

“Your Love” by the Outfield hit the airwaves back in the year of our lord, 1986.  What a great year!  Voyager 2 rendezvoused with Youranus Uranus, Pixar was founded and the 1986 World Exposition opened in Vancouver, BC (thank you, Wikipedia!).  I was 15 years old.  I was as old back then as Sarah is today.  Wow!  Man, I’m old. 

Friday, March 2, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Good, Shy and Brian

When Jakob was little, he “supposedly” had an imaginary friend named “Good”.  I say “supposedly” cause I never met “Good”.  And, to be honest, I never saw Jakob interacting with “Good”, either.  That’s not to say I haven’t seen Jakob do some weird shit.  That kid can take a string and a piece of dirt and play.  I mean…play.  For hours.  Unlike Jethro, who if he happens to stand still for a second he’s bored.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Word abuse

When warehouse membership stores start plastering the word “Artisan” on $5 rotisserie chickens, the word is being abused.  FYI...

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


Over the weekend, this silly, little distraction of mine had it’s 10,000th hit!  10,000 hits?!?!?  Do you know how many hits that is?  It’s 10,000!  Duh!!!!  Where’s your head?  Are you paying attention here or what?!?!?  In any case, since November of 2011, the hits on this site have quadrupled!  I know, right?!?!?  I can’t believe it either.  I shit you not, thou.  Quadrupled!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

This took them long enough, didn't it?!?!?

God!  I bet those are awesome!  And, no!  I didn't buy them.  And, yes, I totally regret it...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Your New Part-Time Job: Finding Time Just for You

"Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been going on(and on) about how our kids are far too busy these days, and how that affects them. I’ve got just a little bit more to say about it all, before I get off my soapbox, then I’ll move on. This’ll be the last post about the whole thing, I promise, but this post is probably the most important one of all. Why? Because it’s about you."

Teased enough?  Want a little more?  Yes?  Good!  Head on over to for this week’s soapbox installment:  Your New Part-Time Job: Finding Time Just for You
What are you waiting for?  Clickity-click!!!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Toys Should be Fun! Not Work!!!

My ol' man...god bless him!  He’s a flippin mechanical genius.  He’s never met a thing he couldn’t fix.  In fact, I don’t think there’s anything he couldn’t take apart, and put back together. It’s his gift.  Some people out there can throw footballs really far.  Some people can fix the shit out of things.  And some people, well,  write “funny” blogs.  Gee…thanks, God.  Thanks a lot!
                   Some superscientican probably built this.  Show off.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

Hey!  Did you guys see this:

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Bonus Post! Part Deux

Don’t get used to this, ok?  Cause I have no intention on being this prolific all the time.  It’s just your lucky week!  There’s another post over at  It’s called:  “Is It Bad for Kids to Be Bored?”  It’s a quasi “part two” to:  Do Our Kids Really Need to Be Involved in So Many Activities?” Here’s a lil sample:

“Let me ask all you parents something: What’s wrong with kids being bored? When did it become wrong to be bored? Were you constantly entertained as children? Did your folks have you in 50 million activities when you were growing up?”

I know you wanna hit that link now!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Bonus Post!

Stellar day for you, dear reader!  There’s a bonus post this week, “Do Our Kids Really Need to Be Involved in So Many Activities?”, over at  Here’s lil excerpt:

“Is it me, or does it seem our kids are involved in too many activities these days? It seems that from the moment they’re able to crawl until they’re ready to go off to college, kids are involved in activity after activity after activity. For what reason? And at what expense?...”

Nice, huh?!?!  That’s what we call in the biz a “teaser”.  Or “synergy”.  One or the other.  I can never remember which.

In any case…why are you still here?  Hit that link!!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What's the Deal with Cupcakes, Anyway?!?!?  THECULT OF THE CUPCAKE

"They're the ubiquitous pick-me-up we turn to in times of celebration and gloom...

But is our frenzied love affair with the cupcake fading, or - like that timeless designer handbag that claims pride of place in our wardrobe - is it here to stay for good?

A recent report in the Washington Post says the cupcake craze shows no sign of abating in the US, with around 700 million sold in the past year alone.

New York’s Magnolia Bakery, which achieved iconic status after a cameo appearance in Sex and the City in 2000, credits its $20 million annual turnover with sales of the bite-sized delights."


                                       Not Kristen Wiig.  But, hilarious, nonetheless

A few weeks ago, Kelly Marie and I were watching the movie Bridesmaids.  The main character, Annie Walker (played by the flippin funny Kristen Wiig) is a former baker.  In one extended scene, she puts much time and effort into making/decorating a cake cupcake?!?!?  A cupcake?!?!?  One flippin cupcake?!?!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Thank God for: Technology

I was at my local supermarket, last Saturday, doing my daily food shopping.  Why daily you ask?  Cause usually there’s a transaction like thus that goes down in my house:
“Fadder.  There’s nothing to eat, Fadder.” 
“Well, there might be if you little piggies didn’t continuously stuff your faces!”
That, in a nutshell, is why they know me by name at my local supermarket(s). 

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

                                     Behold!  Heaven on earth!
This!  This is why the terrorists hate us.  Not for our freedoms, or our vast, extensive pornography.  No.  It’s because in every supermarket in America there’s a 6 foot long section of Oreo cookies.  No one, not even us Americans, deserves so much artery clogging goodness.
                            See? I wasn’t shittin’ you.  Those are Oreos!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Original Digital Pirates

“The most mysterious painting in the history of European art just got a little more mysterious. For centuries, Madrid's Prado Museum has held what was believed to be a mere replica of Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, the Mona Lisa. But researchers at the museum recently discovered that their copy wasn't just any copy. Thanks to the use of infrared technology, they deduced that the work was not only painted in Leonardo's workshop, by one of his students, but that it was done at the same time as the master was completing the original.”

                                                           The offensive dupilcate.
I gotta tell you…this stuff amazes me.  In a time when everything is seemingly known…how is this shit still being discovered?!?!  It amazes me that not only was it recently realized that this painting was made at the same time as the “real” Mona Lisa, but in the same workshop?!?!?  And by one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s da Vinci’s own students?!?!?  It’s not like this painting was hidden or in some private collection, either.  This thing was out in the open.  In front of the art world’s eyes!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Today's post...

"Keeping Kids Safe in the Wild West that is the Internet"is over at  Your friendly neighborhood jman is bringing it down a shade, leaving the "funny" here for more serious stuff over there.  Here's an excerpt:

"I love the internet. Man, do I love the internet! The amount of information available to all of us, at any given instant, never ceases to amaze me. With my iPad, I now have the internet wherever I am and whenever I want. (As long as I’m near a Wi-Fi hotspot, that is. Don’t even get me started on that.) The future is almost here...!"

Don't worry.  Don't worry.  I'm not turning in my "stupid" badge any time soon, to be all uptighty and serious now.  Pul-lease.  Actually, quite the opposite.  I'm being lazy, not providing you with dual content, like I have the last few weeks.  Joke's on you!!!

Ohhhh...quit your cryin'!!!   Get over there and start readin:  "Keeping Kids Safe in the Wild West that is the Internet".  And maybe next week I'll get back to the #unfunny...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Natalia laughs last.

I took Natalia and Jakob to Chick-Fil-A for dinner the other night.  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “So much for those family dinners you wrote about, Mr. Hypocrite! Where were Sarah and Jethro?  What kind of parent are you anyway?” 
                              None of these in my house.  You?
If that’s what you’re thinking then nuts to you!  I’ll tell you the kind of parent I am.  I’m the kind that has no clue what’s going on with the kids, wastes money, and sits around and writes all day.  That’s the kind of parent I am!  Well, except for when I’m not, which is all the time. Maybe you should be more worried about all the vermin in your joint, than my skills as a parent, k?

Friday, January 27, 2012

Book from my kids' room: I was so Mad

I was “straightening” up the boys’ room the other day (read:  tossing shit out with my Hazmat suit on), when I came across this book.  Next to The Monster at the End of this Book, I used to read I was so Mad to the kids all the time.  I was so Mad?  They loved.  That Grover book?  Not so much.  I think the reason they loved I was so Mad, was more how I read it, rather than for the content.  Cause just like everything else, I can’t seem to leave well enough alone.  I’ve got to make it my own (read:  ruin it).

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

So…I’m at the Verizon store a few weeks ago signing the next two years of my life away to “own” the gloriousness that is iPhone 4s (and, yes, like iPad and iPad2 before it, the iPhone 4s has made my life even more complete).
While I’m painfully watching the seconds tick by til iPhone 4s rapture hits me, I glance over and see this:

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Do Me a Solid, Don't...see Rise of the Planet of the Apes


As a kid living in the 70’s, I really didn’t get into the Planet of the Apes.  I think it was just a bit before my time.  I did see the original movie as an adult, though.  It was clever enough, but I was probably just too jaded at that point to appreciate it for the movie it was back in 1968.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Ever Hear the One Bout the Meteor and the Man?

So, one night last week, Jakob walked into my room.  “Here, Fadder.” He said, handing me the above picture.  I laughed to myself giving it the once over.  “Know what it is?” he asked.
Well, duh, Jakob!  It kinda looks like a meteor about to hit someone.  Duuuuuhhhhhhh!   

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

Hi!  Ghosts and aliens aren’t the only things watchin' when you touch your naughty bits!  I do too!  Tee hee!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Do Me a Solid, Don't...See The Beginners

So…can we all just agree that movies suck anymore?  To totally discredit everything I’m about to say, I admit I don’t know the first thing about making movies.  What it takes, the amount of time, money, effort, etc that’s poured into getting a movie produced. Just like pimpin’, I’m sure it ain’t easy.   

Friday, January 13, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Meet Nolan. And Colan. PT 2

Catch up on the zaniness here
From over the kitchen countertop, I watched the top of a yellowhead walk back downstairs and through the living room.  “S’up Nol…whoa!!!”  I said with a bit of a shock, as Nolan/Jakob walked into the kitchen.
Nolan/Jakob now had a brown mustache in the place of the blonde mustache that was peeling off his face only moments before.  The yellowheaded kid standing there looked at me as if I was insane.  “I’m not Nolan.”

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

Well?  Just how long HAVE you been standing there????  Don’t remember?  Then I wouldn’t look up right now, if I were you…

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Song of the Immediate Future: Take Off

Alright.  This is gonna be my last reference to Christmas 2011.  Last one, I swear!  After this, I’m done.  We’ll close the books on Christmas once and for all!  Besides, it’s only a passing reference.  So don’t get your silky, sexy, black panties in a knot, ok?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Tales of Christmases (recently) past

A few weeks before Christmas, the crew and I were sitting around the kitchen table, eating dinner.  The thing about dinner at our house is that there’s no TV, phone calls or texting (Which is a real pain in the ass for me.  Cause god forbid I get a text or 4 from Kelly Marie.  I NEVER hear the end of it from the peanut gallery.  “No texting at dinner, Fadddderrrrrrrrrr!” Blah, blah, blah.  Stupid kids.  There’s a reason why we have double standards in this country.  So people like me can have our way and everyone else follows the rules!), so we have to sit around and actually talk to each other.  Most nights, though, we just either stare blankly into space, chewing our curd or stare blankly at each other.  This one particular night, I was feeling a little personable.  I guess I had the Christmas spirit (as if).

                                              “Fadder!  Jethro’s talking at me!”

Thursday, January 5, 2012


(Which is a real pain in the ass for me.  Cause god forbid I get a text from Kelly Marie during dinner.  I NEVER hear the end of it from the peanut gallery.  “No texting at dinner, Fadddderrrrrrrrrr!” Blah, blah, blah.  Stupid kids.  There’s a reason why we have double standards in this country.  So people like me can have our way!)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Completely Random Photo of the Immediate Future

Let me ask you something…