Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Do Me a Solid, Don't...see Rise of the Planet of the Apes

                                                                                         photo: amazon.com

As a kid living in the 70’s, I really didn’t get into the Planet of the Apes.  I think it was just a bit before my time.  I did see the original movie as an adult, though.  It was clever enough, but I was probably just too jaded at that point to appreciate it for the movie it was back in 1968.

                                                                                  photo: imdb.com
I also suffered through the Tim Burton and Mark Wahlberg 2001 remake (You know…I decided I just don’t get Tim Burton.  I want to like his movies in the worst way.  It just seems like the cool thing to do.  But, I always leave his pictures wondering what the hell was so great about that!?!?   I think it was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that finally forced me to realize I don’t get this guy and what he’s trying to accomplish.  Thank god he didn’t end up getting the chance to do too much damage to Superman).  If you haven’t seen it, don’t bother.  I know with Rise… out, there’s the temptation to seek out it’s predecessors.  Don’t.  K?  You can email me your "thank you’s" to thefadderly(at)yahoo.com

                                                                                        photo: clearplay.com
So why did I rent Rise of the Planet of the Apes?  I couldn’t tell you.  Cause marketing/advertising works on me?  Cause I’m a sucker for sci-fi movies?  Cause I have abandonment issues and I can’t sit in silence by myself for any length of time?
Anyway, Jakob and I watched the movie over the weekend.  He was totally into it.  And, yes, I did cover his eyes when the monkey bit the finger off of the dude with the anger issues (which btw…he totally had coming to him.  The anger issue dude, not Jakob.  That dude was a total asshole.  Again, not Jakob.  The guy in the movie.).  Jakob let me have it, too.  “Fadder!  Don’t cover my eyes, Fadder!  I like the violence!  It only emphasizes man’s inhumanity to nature. ” Ok, Jakob.  Right {eye roll}! 

                                                                                 photo: jbo.wikipedia.org
                 chimps will totally bite your finger off if you call them "monkeys". just sayin...
He is right about one thing, though.  How can I expect him to become desensitized if I try to protect him from such images, by covering his eyes?  Chalk that up to bad parenting on my part.  Again.
As a remake/prequel/re-imaging, Rise of the Planet of the Apes has all the pre-requisite nods to the original (“take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape”/astronauts that were heading to Mars getting lost on their way).  But, to be perfectly honest, what makes it a good movie is it’s unsettling nature.  The believability of the movie…that was the best part! The way we’re using technology to tamper/control nature…god damn!  We are so fucked!  I swear, technology’s gonna get totally out of our control, one of these days.  We’ll wake up one morning and find all the iPads have banded together and taken the place over.  Then we’ll all be totally fucked.
Anyway, do me a solid, don’t see Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  You’ll only hate it, and use my email address I just stupidly published to tell me how much of an idiot I am, how great the original series was, and that all my rights of US citizenship should be revoked.
PS…I don’t care if technology enslaves us one day.  I am NOT giving up my iPad 2!


  1. Ha - I already watched with my sons a few weeks ago. One hated it and one liked it and I was on the liking side even though was never a fan of the old one. We all agreed that the end during the credits showing the virus spread was totally cool, (which only goes to illustrate the general inhumanity that goes on in my home...)

    1. the credits was very clever. that's why it's so frightening, too! if some virus is gonna spread...it's gonna be just like that!

      there are some serious crimes against humanity that go on in my house, too. usually that involve the lavatory...

  2. It's a deal. I swear I won't go see it. lol

    1. see...i was being sarcastic. i think you should see the movie. wait. wait a minute. are you being sarcastic, too?!?!? :)

  3. I'm already enslaved by technology. No joke.

    1. yea...me, too. but, it'll be a different story when we're cleaning technology's bathrooms. or warming up whatever goo technology eats. then it'll be a totally different story. :)

  4. I've been wondering about this movie ;). We thought about renting it, but got "Real Steel" instead. "Real Steel" is AWESOME ;)