Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Natalia laughs last.

I took Natalia and Jakob to Chick-Fil-A for dinner the other night.  I know.  I know.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking:  “So much for those family dinners you wrote about, Mr. Hypocrite! Where were Sarah and Jethro?  What kind of parent are you anyway?” 
                              None of these in my house.  You?
If that’s what you’re thinking then nuts to you!  I’ll tell you the kind of parent I am.  I’m the kind that has no clue what’s going on with the kids, wastes money, and sits around and writes all day.  That’s the kind of parent I am!  Well, except for when I’m not, which is all the time. Maybe you should be more worried about all the vermin in your joint, than my skills as a parent, k?

In any case, Sarah and Jethro had after school activities.  So, I ended up taking Natalia and Jakob to Chick-Fil-A.  We were sitting in the back of the restaurant, right in front of the bathrooms.  Which, to be honest, I think was a total setup.  Especially since I let them pick the table and Jakob’s never a met a bathroom he didn’t like.  And sure enough, not 3 seconds after I sat down with our food, Jakob said “Fadder.  I have to go to the bathroom, Fadderly.”
                      I don't know for sure, but it wouldn't surprise me.
“Of course you do, Jakob.”  I said as he stood there, staring at me.  After another moment, I said, “What?”
“Can I go?”  He asked.
“What are you waiting for?” I shrugged.  “Go!”
Jakob happily slipped between my chair and the wall, and round the corner to the bathrooms.  I took my seat across from Natalia and proceeded to divvy up the food stuffs.  “Uhhh, dad?”  I heard Jakob call out from around the corner.  “Which bathroom is it?”
I looked over at Natalia, who hid her laughter with a sip of her soda.  Getting up from my chair, I saw Jakob standing in the bathroom foyer, perplexed.  I looked over at him, then back at Natalia, wondering if this was some sort of joke.  There were only two doors in the little nook, and he was facing the right one.  “For real, Jakob?”
He pointed at the door behind him.  “I know that’s the girl’s room, but where’s the men’s?”
                             The leader of the Planet of the Jakes?
Yea…I’m still wondering if this is a joke at this point.  If it is, he’s playing it wicked dry.  Admittedly, I have a dry sense of humor, too.  If this kid isn’t serious, he could  give Andy Kaufman a run for his money.  I mean the kid’s 8 years old.  I know he hails from another world, but it’s not exactly his first time on this planet, either. He should know this sign when he sees it:
I pointed to the door in front of him.  “I think that’s the one, Jakob.”
“Ok…” he nodded in reply, hightailing it thru the correct door.
I rolled my eyes and sat back down across from Natalia.  “What was that all about?”  I asked out loud.
“He didn’t know which bathroom was which.”  Natalia shrugged, not bothering to hide her laughter anymore.
“Yea.  No kidding.”  I said, finally getting to my meal.  “No kidding.”
About 23 minutes later, Jakob finally made his triumphant return from his tour of duty in the bathroom.  “Want a mint?” he offered us, climbing back into his seat.
                                        What's in the package?  What's in the package?
“How do you know those are mints?” Natalia asked, looking at the tiny packages in his hand.
“They’re mints.” Jakob assured her.
“How do you know, though?”  Natalia insisted.
Jakob put the pile of mints on the table in front of him.  “They’re mints, Natalia!  They always have mints in the bathroom!”
Natalia took another bite of her sandwich.  “I’m just saying…” she managed between chews.  “Maybe they’re not.”
Jakob took one from the pile and opened it.  “See?”  He said showing her the contents.  “It’s a mint!”  Without further adieu, and a look of triumph on his face, Jakob popped the mint into his mouth.
 “It’s soap!”  Natalia screamed in horror, just as the mint landed in Jakob’s mouth.
Jakob sat frozen in his seat.  After a very tense moment, he breathed.  “It’s a mint!  I told you it’s a mint!”
“It could’ve been a soap, though!”  Natalia laughed, not missing a beat.
“That’s stupid, Natalia.”  Jakob replied definitively.   “Why would they have little soaps in the bathroom?”


  1. Replies
    1. I'm still laughing at the thought of that little kid planking in the bathroom!

  2. I LOVE Jakob! He can so marry the Scribe some day if he's up for it. She loves mints--I mean soap ;) still smiling lol

    1. LOL! He is a character. He just got his hair cut real short. One of those fake mohawk looks. He looks totally different now. I keep taking him around the house introducing him to the family. :)

      what is it with kids and mints, anyway?

  3. Little kids and bathrooms - these stories almost write themselves! Very well told!

    1. i know. what is the deal? i wonder what the fascination is...

  4. Ha! Loved that last line. I love a dry sense of humor. Jakob & Natalia (LOVE that name!) sound like neat kids. Thanks for linking up with us at #findingthefunny!