Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Original Digital Pirates

“The most mysterious painting in the history of European art just got a little more mysterious. For centuries, Madrid's Prado Museum has held what was believed to be a mere replica of Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, the Mona Lisa. But researchers at the museum recently discovered that their copy wasn't just any copy. Thanks to the use of infrared technology, they deduced that the work was not only painted in Leonardo's workshop, by one of his students, but that it was done at the same time as the master was completing the original.”

                                                           The offensive dupilcate.
I gotta tell you…this stuff amazes me.  In a time when everything is seemingly known…how is this shit still being discovered?!?!  It amazes me that not only was it recently realized that this painting was made at the same time as the “real” Mona Lisa, but in the same workshop?!?!?  And by one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s da Vinci’s own students?!?!?  It’s not like this painting was hidden or in some private collection, either.  This thing was out in the open.  In front of the art world’s eyes!

How the painting’s true identity was discovered is even more amazing, something right out of Star Track Trek!  Scienticians, who are normally too busy trying to clone dinosaurs, used some tech called “seeingthepaintersfuckupsgraphy”.  Which, apparently, detects “changes that a painter makes in the course of composing a work…” (hence the name “seeingthepaintersfuckupsgraphy”).  They were able to use this tech to see through a layer of black varnish (that was added centuries after da Vinci died) over the painting.  God damn!  Technology is awesome.  If I could, I swear I’d marry technology.  I’d get a pre-nup first, of course…

The article goes on to give all sorts of theories about why the second copy exists.  None of which have any credence as far as your friendly neighborhood jman is concerned.  My theory?  I’ll tell you. Andre Salai and Francesco Melzi where the original digital pirates!  There I said it!  I have the courage to say what no one else is thinking what the rest of you were thinking but were too afraid to say. Those two morons teamed up to pass off this fake, phoney, fraud as da Vinci’s original.  These guys were the original file sharers!  It’s a shame they were just too stupid to hand paint it, and not use photoshop or something.  Then they could’ve really made some serious coin.  Short sighted 16th century dopeshows.

Oh, and btw…what ended up being the identifying link between the two paintings?  They both shared this image as it’s “underpainting”:


  1. Ha! As I read that, I kept trying to figure out which part was true and what was a joke. I think I got it all sorted out! That last picture is true, right? Kidding. That really is a crazy discovery!

    1. it's cool, isn't it? like hiding in plain sight!

      glad, though, you thought it was a joke all along. my work here is done! :)

  2. Too Funny! I saw this article a few days ago, too and thought it sounded fishy...now I know why. Ha -knowledge is power.

    1. you know what they say...truth is stranger than fiction!