Tuesday, March 27, 2012

From the Archives: What is a fine powder consisting of microgametophytes?

Editor’s note:  It seemed kinda fitting to reach into the archives for this post.  Why you ask?  Well, your friendly neighborhood jman doesn’t have any new content prepared for today.  Sorry.  What can I say?  It’s been one of those…lifetimes.

And with the really nice weather from last week, all the tree and plant life decided to prematurely bloom (stupid tree and plant life), which is even more of a fitting reason to reach into the archives for this gem…

What is a fine powder consisting of microgametophytes?
Originally published on 5/2009

Maybe you’ve noticed the lack of quality content around here, lately. You’re probably wondering: “WTF!!!” Am I right? Wait.  I know.  I know.  I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking:  “He's late, again?!?  Probably giving up already.  I knew it!” Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, then nuts to you! Cause I've got a perfectly valid reason for not posting lately. You wanna know what’s up? Do you? Fine! It’s this:

They ain't sweet-tarts

No, it’s not swine flu. It’s pollen. Specifically this nightmare:

Know thy enemy

Oak pollen. Stupid Oaks! I’ve got half a mind to rent a few chain saws and go on an oak tree massacre. I mean for the love of all that’s holy!!! The last two weeks or so have been MISERABLE! My brain hurts. My mind hurts. Ughhh! I can’t take it! You know what I’m talking about. The sneezing. The mucus congealing in your throat. Your nose running so quick you don't know it ‘til it’s hitting your lower lip.  I’m sick of it (as it were)!

                                              It's like every day I've got this sinus headache... 

And that’s not even the worst part. If the zombies ever take over in early spring, I’m screwed. Because I’m sure some zombie-hunter will mistake me for a flesh-eater. No matter how much sleep I get, I feel like I haven’t slept a wink in days. God damn sinuses!!! If this tree-blooming season takes any longer, I’m gonna punch some holes into my sinus cavities. With a spoon!

And every year “they” say: “Oh! This is a bad year for pollen.” Saying shit like that is like when the weatherman starts yaking about the humidity on the world’s hottest day. If it’s hot...it’s hot! Who gives a crap about the humidity! Or the wind chill factor in winter time. It’s just cold, enough said!!! Likewise, don’t sell me this shit that this is a bad year for pollen. EVERY YEAR IS A BAD YEAR FOR POLLEN!

god i love the smell of pollen in the morning!

My question for you is...do you even know what pollen is? Yea, sure it’s the filth covering your car every morning. But, do you know what it really is?

How the hell does this microscopic cell of emptiness cause so much misery?!?

Let me dumb it down a shade for you non-scientician types in the audience. Pollen is flower sperm. Yea, you read that right. Could it possibly get any worse? Nah...don't answer that.

So...just remember...it's supposed to be a bad year for pollen! Lovely...


  1. They say it every year, but the only difference I've seen is that my seasonal allergies started earlier since it's been warmer. I'm already dying from allergies and reminding myself I can't simply torch all the plants to make it stop.

    Though I think I might make a t-shirt that says, "It's not the plague, I just have allergies."

  2. LOL! I definitely get several of those shirts!

    Actually, I do believe them this year. With the mild winter we had, and spring coming on so soon, this is probably going to be the worst allergy season EVAR!!!!

    thanks for commenting! :)