Look. I admit, there’s something wrong with me. Stupid shit bugs me. Not to the extent where I’m at the front door in my boxers screaming at the neighborhood kids to get the hell off my lawn. I’m not that bad. At least not yet. Just…do me a solid, don’t ask my kids.
No. I’m more talking about stuff like this:
I know. I know. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “Are you sure you’re not some sort of curmudgeon? They’re just fancy prunes.” Look, if that’s what you’re thinking, then nuts to you! They’re not just “fancy” prunes. There’s nothing fancy about them at all. Well, except for the packaging.
“Ones?” Yep! Those are individually wrapped prunes! For real. Sunsweet is selling prunes like they’re candy or something. But, really, what’s the difference between those and these?
Well, besides the fact that you get more in that yellow container, they cost a little bit less, and taste a bit better (yes, for the sake of this article, I ate both prunes. I’m not even going to tell you what my morning's been like) then the "ones" in the special packaging, there’s nothing different about then.
In all fairness, the packaging on the “fancy” prunes does say they’re “super select”. I’m not exactly sure how they’re defining “super select” here. My guess, though, is complete rip off.
Honestly, I don’t even know why I give a shit (as it were). I don’t even like prunes! Maybe it’s the point. Or maybe the problem just lies with your friendly neighborhood jman. Unfortunately, marketing works on me. If you slap a “new” on a product, I’m there. Repackage something, this is me:
I’m just a stupid sheeple. At some point in my life, if my kids want my vast fortune, they’re going to have to take my money away from me. Cause I know I’m just gonna end up walking around Target, day after day, with a cart full of shit that says “New” on it.