About a decade ago, a few Krispy Kreme stores opened up in my area. If there’s a place that’s on God’s dessert stop, it’s Krispy Kreme. I don’t know what those Krispy Kreme people put in those donuts; double MSG, Meth or what…I don’t know. But, GD!!! They were the best flippin donuts. EVAR!!!! I shit you not!
"...how far is heaven?"
And these handful of stores were packed! Forget going on Sunday mornings. The line was too long. The only time you didn’t wait in a 30 minute line was 3 am on a Wednesday morning. Otherwise? Pack a lunch, cause you we’re waiting for deliciousness!
Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?!??
Sadly, though, Krispy Kreme’s parent company was severely mismanaged, driving the organization into some serious financial troubles (I won’t bore you with specifics here. You all have access to Google. Go read up on it yourself) and all the local donut shops in my area closed.
It was a very dark time.
Years passed. Several long, painful years. One day on my way to work, I saw a sign in front of a long closed KFC building. I slammed on the car’s brakes to get a better look. My eyes had not been lying to me (again). A new Krispy Kreme was opening! Huzzah!!!! Donuts would be had for all my friends!
The store opened up quickly, but I ended up keeping my distance. I was still nursing a broken heart. I guess I just didn’t want to get hurt again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice shame on you. My folks even gave me a gift card to KK for Christmas. Still, I kept my distance.
Over the weekend, Sarah and Jethro got themselves sick. Pain in the ass. I’m a creature of habit. I don’t adapt well. Kids getting sick is so not on my schedule of things to do. But, they did. And I, being the Father I am, I broke down, put my heart back on my sleeve and drove to Krispy Kreme.
I bought a dozen donuts.
Within 5 minutes, there were only four donuts left. I shit you not.
I was all prepared to go back and get more. Yea, that’s right. It was miserable outside, Krispy Kreme is about 6 miles from my house, which sounds close, but it’s down one of the most clusterfucks of a thoroughfare in my area. So, where it might take 5 minutes to get the 6 miles, it takes more like 20. One way. But, yes, I was still prepared to buy another dozen. THAT’S HOW FUCKING
GOOD GREAT THESE DONUTS ARE!
So thank God for Krispy Kreme! Please, God! Help the morons on the corporate board run the company properly this time. Instruct them the right way to run a business, instead of expanding too quickly and wasting the company’s assets on diamond encrusted toilets. Thank you, God. You are the best!
Believe it or not, these toilets aren't worth the extra money.
PS God…if in your infinite wisdom you could see fit to get me a free dozen or so Krispy Kreme donuts for this helluva plug I just gave them, I will do my best to….ugh, I don’t know. Be a better person, I guess. Thanks! Amen!