Friday, May 11, 2012

Photo Essay: Pollen

Are you, like me, an allergy sufferer?  No?  Good for you!  Why don’t you just rub it in my face, then?  Cause, believe you me, I suffer.  I chronicled my pain way back when in a post called: “What is a fine powder consisting of microgametophytes?”( microgametophytes?  It’s pollen,ok?  What can I say?  I try and be “clever” with my titles.).
The last few weeks here in beautiful downtown Ben Salom have been completely miserable.  Rain, overcast, grey…the whole nine yards.  I don’t know how you folks living in Seattle or London do it.  I’d probably stick my head in the oven, but it’s electric (boogie woogie woogie woogie) and that shit just gets hot.

So, anyway, I walked out of the house the other morning and this is what my car looked like:

Go ahead.  Go ahead.  Laugh it up, fuzzball.  Get it out of your system.  Yes. I drive a minivan.  I’ve got a hundred kids.  What do you want from me?  Can we move on now?

What’s all that crap on the car?  Is that what you’re asking?  Well, if you were perceptive (I’m not judging!) you’d probably figure out it’s pollen.  Look at it all!  My car is covered in it!  No wonder I'm a mucus factory.
Please.  Don't even pretend you're grossed out by "mucus factory".  Like you've never had days when you're sitting at your desk, minding your own business when all of the sudden it's dripping out of your nose onto your desk and the people around you think you're some kind of freak?  Yea...never happened to me either!

So later on that day, it rained (surprise!!!!) again.  And washed all the pollen away off my car.  The thing is pollen doesn’t just “disappear” like sugar in delicious iced coffee. Apparently.  No.  It collects.  Look:

See all that crap?  It’s like a paste!  You could bring out your toothbrush and get yourself a scoop of it!  Although, I'm not quite sure why you'd want to brush your teeth with pollen paste.  I did hear a dentist say once that it doesn't matter what you brush your teeth with, as long as you brushed.  I believe he went on to say you could even use chicken soup.  But, I'm not sure why you'd want to brush your teeth with chicken soup, either.
And it's flippin everywhere!

Clearly, I’m gonna have to start walking around in one of these:
God I love spring…


  1. I feel for ya - but I don't have allergies (dunking from heavy object being thrown)

  2. Pollen must die. My eyes itch, my snot chokes me, my truck is green. DIE POLLEN. DIE.