Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Planet of the Jakes: Noodle Sandwiches

This isn’t a direct sequel to Planet of the Jakes:  Chicken Patties Pt 1 or Planet of the Jakes:  Chicken Patties Pt 2.  But, it helps to get an idea of where we were and how we got here.  So, if you wanna take a few moments to familiarize yourself with the previous goings on, I suggest you do.  Now!

Jakob…” I said to the little yellowhead standing next to me in the kitchen.  “What exactly is a “noodle sandwich”?”
“It’s a sandwich with noodles in it.”  Jakob replied in that manner that spoke volumes about the apparent idiot he sees me for (Man!  Poetry in motion!  That’s why I’ve been called the “modern day Mark Twain”.  By myself, of course.)
                          Your friendly neighborhood jman, per Jakob
“For real?”  I said, furrowing my brow.
“Yes!”  Jakob replied.
I looked up at the ceiling, as if the big guy had written the answer there.  As if!  “Let me get this straight.”  Insert dramatic pause.  “You wanna stick spajetti (yea, I know it’s spelled wrong.  It’s just another way for my kids to torture Jethro) noodles in between two slices of bread?!?!”

                                      Nope!  No messages…
“Yep!”  Again with the “you’re an idiot” tone.
“With tomato sauce?”  I questioned.
He looked at me as if I was the crazy one.  “No!”
“Miracle Whip?  Relish?  Horseradish sauce?”
“No, Dad!  No!  Just noodles on bread.”
“For real?” 
I stared at my little creation for probably a bit too long.  I’m not entirely positive, but I think this whole “noodle sandwich” may have come from a meal the kids wanted many months ago.  Apparently on the god awful show, ICarly, they made spajetti tacos with leftover spajetti.  Well, because of that show, the kids worked me over about trying it.  So we did.  Stupid TV.  

Or maybe it’s just what they eat on Planet Jake.  Noodle sandwiches.

I turned to Jethro, the preparer of lunches, standing patiently at the kitchen table, all the ingredients to make everyone’s lunch laying before him.  Giving him the nod, I decried. “Make him a noodle sandwich.”
“For real, dad?”  Jethro replied like I just asked him to clean the toilet.  With his toothbrush.
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Why?”  Jethro continued to quiz me.
WTF?!?!?  Because I said so!  “Because I said so!”  I was thinking it, why not just say it?!?!?
“But, dad?!?”  Jethro protested.
“Why do you care?!?!?”  I exclaimed.  I don’t know what it is with these two.  Jethro always seems to have a problem with Jakob.  Brotherly love?  I didn’t fight with the Pope nearly as much as my two morons boys fight with each other.  I guess kids were just better when I was growing up.  “You don’t have to eat it.  I’m paying you an allowance to make lunches.  Just make him the sandwich.” 
                              So let it be written, so let it be done
“Fine!”  He turned away rolling his eyes.  Wonder where he got that from.
I glanced up into the nothingness.  Just in case the big guy decided to leave me some sort of motivational message on the ceiling, perhaps.  He didn’t.  I walked away.
                                          Nope. Still none.
“So…how was the sandwich, Jakob?” I asked later on that evening.
“Good!”  He said with a touch of glee.
I gave him the cross-eye.  “Yea?”
“Yep.”  He confirmed.
“Wait…did you even eat it?  Or is it in your school bag, all scrunched up?”
“Nope.  It’s not in my bag.”  Jakob insisted, earnestly.  “I ate it.”
“Ok.  Whatever, Jakob.”
“I did.”
I shrugged, still not believing him.  “Ok.  You did.”
“Should I make him another noodle sandwich?” Jethro asked, flippin annoyed at the prospect.
“Yes, Jethro.” I sighed.  “Make him a noodle sandwich.
Jethro stormed out of the living room in a total huff.
Jakob just went right back to playing “kill all the zombies” on the computer.
I checked the ceiling again. 
And like the chicken patties before, the noodle sandwich didn’t last very long.  We probably ran out of leftover noodles.  Or Jethro got so annoyed with having to make them he flat out stopped.  Or, maybe Jakob just quietly accepted the fact on this planet, we don’t have “fancy” sandwiches with noodles in them.
Just plain ol’ ham sandwiches for Jakob again.  For the moment.  Until he gets some new crazy idea transmitted to his brain from the mother world…


  1. I have not words, I am too busy laughing!

    1. i'm soooo glad my life amuses you!!! :)

  2. Am thinking my youngest will love that sandwich esp since she's always craving ramen noodles even when I make "healthy junk " & likes to be food creative in a umm unusual way. Will show it to her & see what she thinks ;)If you use wheat bread & wheat noodles, could be a nutritious sandwich.

    1. yea. we use wheat bread. and wheat noodles. still. i just think he likes being difficu...err, different.